Big Daddy's Blues

I am a pretty laid-back kind of guy. I try to maintain an even keel on a day-to-day basis. But right now, I am contemplating calling the suicide hot line. I need help! You see, my wife just brought home dog number six yesterday.

Some friend of hers couldn't keep the dog when they decided to move into some swanky new condo...So guess what? I get even less room in my bed to sleep!

Now, my wife is a very nice person, and an animal lover. And I am a nice guy, and an animal lover. But man, you gotta learn how to say no.(Not that I did, when she asked me if it was okay if she brought the dog home.)

I got to admit, I am a soft touch (and soft in the head). The new dog is little more than a puppy, and she is adjusting very well with the other dogs. And she has already taken a fancy to lying in our bed...

Here is a song for you, sung to the tune "Squeeze Box" by The Who:

Mama's got six dogs, she loves them the best,
And when Daddy gets home, he can't get no rest,
'Cause they're all lying in bed,
I'll put a bullet in my head,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

Now one will lick his ass, another one passes gas,
And they take all the blankets that should cover my ass!
And they do it all night,
Then one will start a fight,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

They climb up and down, and up and down,
And up and down, and up and down,
And they do it all night, then one will start a fight,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

De-flea me! Won't you de-flea me!
De-flea me if you please,
I'm tired of scratching fleas,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

Good Bye Best Friend

Is there anything worse than to wake up in the morning and to find your best friend lying dead? Anyone who has ever owned a dog or a cat for a pet knows what I mean. Everything seems just fine, then you go to bed one night and wake up to find your friend gone. No warning, and no chance to say good bye; just gone. Here one day, gone the next.

This is what all pet lovers, and pet owners go through one time or another. Maybe it's not a dog or a cat, maybe it's a pet guinnea pig, parrot, or ferret; whenever you lose a friend it hurts, especially when it comes unexpectedly. There is nothing you can do or say, and you are always left with an empty pit where your stomach once was.

People who don't have pets will have trouble understanding this. People who don't have pets will never understand the unconditional love that pets give, and how they give you the chance to give it. Few things in life help us learn how to open our heart to give love, as much as owning a pet.

So, as I say good bye to my old friend, I just want to take this time to thank you for teaching me how to give love, and how to accept it. Thanks for always making me feel loved even when I didn't feel very lovable. I hope some how, some way, I made you feel the same way my friend.

You're My Best Friend

This post is about my wife, her name is Rhea.

A man is considered to be fortunate, if he has a handful of people he can consider close friends. In a world where everyone is so wrapped up in themselves, this statement is truer than ever. However, when a man finds someone as special as my wife, he is indeed blessed.

Let me tell a little bit about Rhea; she works a full time job as a bartender, but still makes the time to keep an immaculate house. She does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and most of the cooking. She takes care, and bathes the dogs; and she's there to help out when I screw something up. She's patient, caring, and understanding. She's a terrific mother, and a special friend. That's because she is not only my best friend, but she is my lover. No matter how full her plate seems to be, she seldom complains. I have to tell you, God blessed me the day I met her.

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We have been together ten years, and married for seven. After my first marriage, I promised myself to never get married again; but after being with Rhea for a few years, I knew I had to wrap her up; I would have been a fool to ever let her get way. Now, I am not the smartest guy in the world, (ask Rhea, she'll tell you), but I am not that stupid. I do know a good thing when I see one.

I don't often write about my personal life, but I thought I needed to devote one of my posts, to extol the virtues of my wife. She is a very special person, and my life is enriched because of her presence in it.

So in closing, I really only have one thing to say; thank you Rhea, I love you. (Alright, that's two things, but who's counting?)

Centerfold

When I was a teenager, every now and then my buddy Doug would get a hold of one of his dad’s old Playboy magazines. These were special times, because we were curious, and had new found hormones surging through our young bodies. This was a way for us to learn about the female anatomy, and to dream about “getting lucky” one day. Being a Catholic, I of course felt guilty about this, but then being a Catholic, I felt guilty about almost everything. I reconciled this by reasoning that maybe hell wouldn’t be such a bad place to spend eternity after all. My young body, and dirty mind were not to be deterred by such trivial things.

As I got older, and actually had some experiences with women who weren’t two dimensional, girlie books lost their appeal to me. I figured there was no reason to get all excited about something I couldn’t hold, fondle, or inseminate.

I guess I am different from most other guys. Pornography seems to be very interesting to the average guy. It must be, it is everywhere! One cannot surf the internet, or even read his e-mail without encountering a pop up ad, or spam, telling you of some great porno site, or where you can buy on-line Viagra. Hell, the average guy would not even own a computer, if it were not for all the free porno sites!

They say sex sells, and it must be true; not only for guys but also for the ladies. Every magazine, excluding the professional ones, use sex to sell themselves. My step son subscribes to a muscle car mag, and every car picture, has some nubile young lady laying on, or posing suggestively next to the car. While standing in line at the cash out in the grocery store I saw the latest Cosmopolitan, and they had no less than three articles on sex (that new “S” stroke looks interesting)! Everyone is totally preoccupied with sex.

Personally, I am no prude, and I like sex as much as the next person; but it seems to me that everyone is forgetting the most necessary ingredient for good sex…love. Sex is always better when it is done with someone you love, and respect.

Big Daddy's Blues

I am a pretty laid-back kind of guy. I try to maintain an even keel on a day-to-day basis. But right now, I am contemplating calling the suicide hot line. I need help! You see, my wife just brought home dog number six yesterday.

Some friend of hers couldn't keep the dog when they decided to move into some swanky new condo...So guess what? I get even less room in my bed to sleep! Now, my wife is a very nice person, and an animal lover. And I am a nice guy, and an animal lover. But man, you gotta learn how to say no.

(Not that I did, when she asked me if it was ok if she brought the dog home.)

I got to admit, I am a soft touch (and soft in the head). The new dog is little more than a puppy, and she is adjusting very well with the other dogs. And she has already taken a fancy to lying in our bed...

Here is a song for you, sung to the tune "Squeeze Box" by The Who:

Mama's got six dogs, she loves them the best,
And when Daddy gets home, he can't get no rest,
'Cause they're all lying in bed,
I'll put a bullet in my head,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

Now one will lick his ass, another one passes gas,
And they take all the blankets that should cover my ass!
And they do it all night,
Then one will start a fight,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

They climb up and down, and up and down,
And up and down, and up and down,
And they do it all night, then one will start a fight,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.

De-flea me! Won't you de-flea me!
De-flea me if you please,
I'm tired of scratching fleas,
Mama's got six dogs, Daddy never sleeps at night.