Santa Redneck is Coming to Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.
My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last seven years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone. These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race. Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up." Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here. "Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

A Peek Inside

I am Caucasian; a white man. I can't help it, I was born that way. That's the way the European DNA runs. I have learned a long time ago to be color-blind in matters of race. The only black-and-white I see is the color of a person's heart.

That being said, I am extremely distressed with all the comments I've heard from many smart-alec white people since the election of Barrack Obama. You know which ones I am talking about: the don't-worry-he-won't-be-President-for-long-he-will-get-shot ones. I guess because I'm white, these Einsteins think they can blather this racial shit to me, and think it's OK. They couldn't be more wrong.

One of these Einsteins was an offensive lineman at the University of Texas. Now he is just offensive. This dope thought he could go on his Facebook page and say "all you hunters out there gather up, 'cause we have a n!#*er in the White House!" Makes me wonder how he really felt about 3/4 of his teammates. I wonder, when he blocked somebody, if everyone on the field could hear the rocks rattle around inside his head.

My biggest fear is that one or a group of these simpletons will actually try to carry out their hate-and-bile-filled threats. If successful, the race war and destruction that will follow will make the Bush years seem like a dance around the maypole (not to mention America losing perhaps the brightest and most articulate President in our lifetime).

The Secret Service needs to put their full resources into checking out and arresting any and all people making these threats. They are not joking around as much as they are giving us a peek inside their real selves.

Shout out to Jim Rome of "Jim Rome Is Burning" (one his "takes" inspired this post)
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