Saturday, January 14, 2017

I Sing Like a Toad

Like most people, after a hard week of work I feel the need to decompress; you know let my hair down and have some fun. I often like to have fun by going down to the local watering hole where they have karaoke every Friday night. Like most of the people in there, it often takes me a couple of shots of “liquid courage” to get the guts to go up and sing. Well that’s what I call it, singing; however a few of the locals in there would disagree with me on that.
For these folks, and everybody else that has to put up with people like me that think they can sing on Karaoke night; I have written a song. It is sung to the tune “King of the Road”


Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks, I feel alright.
Tin ear, no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but, two hours of sipping drink,
That’s when I start to think,
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I
Sing like a toad.


Bob Segar, the Ramones,
I get up, and they all moan.
I think that I just can't miss,
But my voice is as flat as piss.
Ah but, When I get up on that stage,
I think that I am all the rage.
I think I sound like Sinatra, but I
Sing like a toad.


I know every singer, and every song,
All of the patrons, we all get along.
But every time I get up there to sing,
They all put in ear plugs so they can’t hear a thing…


Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks I feel alright.
Tin ear no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but two hours of sipping my drink,
That’s when I start to think.
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I,
Sing like a toad.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Fire and Icicles

After living my entire life up in the frozen tundra of Western New York (with the exception of a two year stint at the University of Miami), I have spent the last ten years in the paradise known as Miami, Florida.

After dreading the coming of winter for so many years, I am now in the enviable position of looking forward to it.

Summers in Miami are hot, humid, and sticky; whereas the winter time is sunny, dry, and comfortable…well most years anyway. This year Miami has experienced record high temperatures in both the months of November, and December this year. We are in the middle of winter and still running our air conditioner! This is not right! I am supposed to be saving money on the electric bill by giving the air conditioner a much needed rest, but not this year.

In contrast, the northern states are getting hammered with bitter cold, and snow fall being measured by the foot not by the inch. There are many people I know up there that would love to change places with me. With the exception of the higher than normal electric bills, I guess I have no reason to gripe.
When I first moved to Miami many people told me that it is ungodly hot and humid here in the summer time. My response to them was “I would rather gripe about the heat than the cold.” I still feel that way. There is no way I would want to change places with anyone up north in the winter time. I feel for all people that have to put up with frigid temperatures, no sunshine and piles of snow for over four months a year.

However I don’t feel so bad for them that I won’t rub it in every chance I get.

I admit I get a fiendish kick mentioning on Facebook that we had a record high temperature of 89 yesterday after reading them moan about the cold and snow. I love to read their responses (I would print a couple of these remarks, but this is a family column) it makes me feel all warm and evil inside. I love to causally mention that it is 85 and sunny here, after my friend tells me they just got sixteen inches of snow; just so I can hear him tell me to go screw myself.

Does this make me a bad guy? Am I really evil? When I die will I be sentenced to become one of Satan’s minions because of this?

Perhaps, maybe it would be fitting to have one of my old friends up in Heaven causally mention over the phone that it is beautiful and 75 there after I got done griping that it is 2500 degrees and raining flaming brimstone.

I wonder; do you have to shovel brimstone out of your driveway to get to work in hell?

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Kreskin's ESP Kit and Beyond

Do you like strange but true stories? Here are three of my stories that are indeed strange, but true.

Back in the mid-sixties a guy named Kreskin, was very popular. He would go on all the popular talk shows, and do feats of ESP. My dad said he was a quack, but I was much more open minded about it than he. I was in fact intrigued, with Mr. Kreskin. My feelings were, if ESP is real, why not develop it.

I had nothing to base these feeling on, other than a child's naivete. Then Christmas of 1965, my dad bought a "family" Christmas present. It was a Kreskin's ESP kit. In this kit there were probably seven, or eight different ways to test your ESP. The pendulum, was the most popular, everyone could make it swing by concentrating on it. That was cool, but then my dad pulled out a deck of cards from the box. Since all the other kids were off playing with their other presents, I was the only one near him (fooling around with the pendulum) he called me over. He read the instructions, and said "I'm supposed to look at a card, and send it to you mentally, and you try to receive it." I said "Ok, let's try." He took a card, looked at it, then said "Here goes nothing." I could see he was really trying to send me the image, so I decided I was really going to try and get it.

I closed my eyes real tight. You know how when you close your eyes really tight, you see little squiggly things? Well, I saw thousands of squiggly things. All of a sudden, all the squiggly things formed a whirlpool, spinning around, then they formed a perfect heart! My jaw dropped to the floor. "Its a heart!" I blurted out. My dad, (a little taken aback) said "You're right, how did you know?" I said, "Dad, I SAW it!" I think my dad laughed it off, but that moment changed my life. From that moment on, I "knew" ESP was real.

At the tender age of ten, I then started buying any book on ESP and occult, I could get my hands on. By the time I turned 17 I had a small library of occult books. At that time I was very interested in astral projection. However in 1972, there were very few "how to books" on astral projection. One day at Walden books, while looking through the occult section (now called the new age section), I found a book titled, "Eckankar, Key to Secret Worlds" by Paul Twitchell. In this book Mr. Twitchell talked of "soul travel". I of course equated soul travel, with astral projection, and bought the book immediately. This, once again changed my life forever.

I brought home Eckankar: Key to Secret Worlds and read it. This book did, indeed, give various methods on how to leave your body, but their reasons to leave your body were different from mine. In Eckankar, one leaves his body to discover God, your true self, and explore the inner worlds; not to check out the planets (or some girl's bedroom when she's changing).

I was a Catholic, and God was to be feared, not loved. However, I could not shake the fact that everything I read in that book rang as truth to me. This caused a major catharsis within me. I decided to set the book aside for awhile until I came up with a resolution.

In the Fall of 1976, I was in my third semester at SUNY Brockport, after transferring there from the University of Miami. I met, and became friends with, a guy named Marty. Marty was a big guy who had played quarterback for the college football team. One Friday, Marty and his girlfriend invited myself and my fiancée over for supper. We had a few drinks and smoked a couple joints when the conversation moved to ESP. Marty's girlfriend believed she was sensitive and told of her experiences. Marty, told me of a recurring dream he kept having. In this dream, there was this "swami" guy trying to get through to him, but there was an invisible barrier (as a big pane of glass between them) and they couldn't connect. He asked me what I thought. I said that the "swami" person could be an Eck Master, and told him of my Eckankar book. He asked if he could read it, I said yes, brought it to class on Monday, and gave it to him.

About a week and a half later I walked into the Student Union to have lunch. The place was packed with students milling about. I wondered why the place was so crowded. At the end of the hall, where the entrance to the cafeteria was, I could see a bright light over the heads of the crowd in front of me. "There must be a television crew there filming; maybe that's why it's so mobbed," I thought to myself. I finally made my way to the cafeteria, and looked for the TV crew. There was none. There, standing in front of the cafeteria doors as if waiting for me, was Marty. The bright light I saw was coming from him! My jaw fell to the floor. No one else seemed to notice anything as they walked around him to get inside. Standing there agape, Marty walked up to me and said, "Mike, I read your book, and made contact with the Eck Master; I have been soul-traveling ever since." I stammered, "I can see that!" He told me he was going to drop out of school, and move to somewhere in the Caribbean. He said that his girlfriend would return my book.

I never saw him again.

After encountering Marty for the last time, I was shaken. I had never seen an aura before, let alone seeing one from down a long hall with hundreds of people in the way. I was left with two thoughts: (1) maybe my gut feelings were right, and there was something to this Eckankar, and (2) perhaps God had used me like John the Baptist to awaken a spiritual giant.

I felt honored to be part of Marty's awakening, but I was leery of how Marty just dropped everything to answer his calling. I was only 21, and I liked to have fun. I was not ready to drop everything and run off to some ashram. I only had the one book, and many unanswered questions about Eckankar.
I felt that maybe God does have a plan for me, but I was afraid. I left Eckankar: Key to Secret Worlds on the shelf, and went about my life as a student.

In February of 1979, I was a supervisor for airline catering at the Rochester, NY airport. I got to know an employee named "Mike W". He was a loner, and kind of an odd duck, but he was also very intelligent. Mike ran our airline liquor department so he was alone in this room filled with mini-bottles of liquor. I would sometimes check on him, and talk to him. I found out that he was an initiate in Eckankar. This floored me, because I had never met anyone else who had even heard of Eckankar, let alone someone who had been practicing it for ten years. We became close friends, playing chess (he always beat me, and I was pretty good), and talking about Eckankar.

One day he was riding in my car with me; it was a very cold and gray winter day. He told me that everyone is divine because everyone is soul. The major religions had everything backwards. "You are not a physical body that owns a soul, but you are soul, and you take on various bodies to gain experience."

To him, soul and the Holy Spirit (The Eck) were one and the same. I asked how could this be when there are billions of different people. He maintained that we are all manifestations of the same great power, but we all operate from different states of consciousness. He also maintained that each person is not only in control of his or her state of consciousness, but that they are also supreme ruler of that domain.

"Each person is God! That is why love is so important. We exist because God loves us. Without love, there would be just God. By loving God with all your heart, you complete a circle of love, enabling you to inherit your birth right, The Throne of God!"

I drove silently, mulling over his words, when I noticed up the road, off to the side, was a police car. I thought to myself, "If I'm in control of my state of consciousness, I don't want that to be a police car!" We came up to the car and, to my shock, it wasn't a police car, but instead it was a convertible with the top rolled back...in February!

I immediately thought to myself, "That wasn't a police car after all!"

Mike then looked at me and grinned. "That was pretty neat what you did to that cop car."
I said, "You saw that?" He said, "Yes I was tuned into your wave length...look over there!" I looked where he pointed, and there was the cop car, driving though a parking lot. "You didn't destroy it, you just moved it from one spot to another."

"But what of the cops, won't they be shaken up, sitting along side the road one second, then popping up in a parking lot the next?"

"Remember", he said, "they are in control of their own state. They believe they drove over there."

"Well I'm glad you saw what happened because I was convincing myself it wasn't a cop car after all."

"We all do that all the time, perform miracles or little feats of magic, and then we convince ourselves we didn't do them."

That was the day of my awakening. I realized that I don't have to run off and join an ashram. I don't have to go to church. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to be anybody but myself.

I just have to love God, love my neighbor, and love myself. The rest will be taken care of.

May the blessings be.

Friday, December 23, 2016

It Takes One To Know One

When I was a young boy, whenever I got into a spat with one of my brothers, we'd start calling each other names. My mother would break us up by saying, "Don't call people names; it takes one to know one."

It didn't mean much to me back then, but the older I get, the more I realize that she was right.


I started noticing a trend. It was always the fat person in our group who would call some stranger fat. Always. It was always the biggest slacker at work calling someone else lazy. It was always the most truth-challenged individual calling someone else a liar, etc, etc.


This is true with any number of human faults we can think of. Why? One Eastern philosophy claims that the outer world is, in fact, a reflection of our inner world, and that when you pick out a shortcoming in someone else, you are, in fact, recognizing it within yourself. This is a little heavy, but there does seem to be a connection of some type.


Try your own little experiment at work, at home, on your softball team...anyplace where you will be with a group of diverse people. Note when someone starts talking about someone else. Does that person have the same fault that he/she is picking out on someone else?


You might be surprised.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

A Time To Wake Up

The time has come where we all as a collective society need to wake up. We need to wake up to how we have been manipulated and controlled by the powers that shouldn't be. We have been controlled by the fiat, fake Babalonian magic money system; where money is created out of thin air, and we are charged interest on it; hence we are 20 trillion dollars in "debt". We have been controlled by the truly fake news of the main stream media, which is, and has been ...controlled by the government for almost 60 years. We have been controlled by the major religions of the world which in cahoots with governments have had us fighting wars with each other for hundreds of years. We are controlled by the Rockefeller medical system, and all of the drugs they keep us dependent on.

We need to wake up to the fact that those in the higher echelons of all govenments are pedophile, child sacrificing, Satanists. I am not kidding. If you have not yet heard of "Pizza Gate" search it. This is just the tip of the iceberg. David Icke has been warning us of this for over 20 years, and it is now just starting to be revealed.

We need to wake up to the fact that almost all politicians are controlled through bribery, and backmail to do as they as told by these Satanists. This is true with both major parties in America, Great Britian, and the rest of Europe.

Our only way out is to wake up to the lies, fraud, deceptions, never ending wars, and confusion that are being used to keep us under their control.

If you don't think I am nuts, you should follow me on Facebook (Michael Allan Muehleisen), or Twitter (@muley12) as I reshare many important posts on a daily basis.

Turn off your TV; they are the truly fake news.

Here are some sites you should check out for real news and information you can believe, and use: Podcasts: (radio shows you down load to your computer or phone and listen to at your convenience) meria.net caravantomidnight.com Websites: davidicke.com divinecosmos.com drudgereport.com inforwars.com tragedyandhope.com .

Saturday, December 10, 2016

See You Later Alligator

I live in South Florida, no let me rephrase that, I live in south, south Florida. I live about 10 miles from the southern tip of Florida. In many ways this is paradise; warm sunny weather year round, lots of flora, and lots and fauna.

We also have lots of alligators; and I do mean lots, and they are protected by federal law. If you get caught killing one, the state will see to it that you have a lover, er, roommate named Bubba for the next few years.

For those of you not familiar with Florida, this state is riddled with hundreds, if not thousands of canals, and inter-coastal waterways; each of which is riddled with thousands of alligators.
Alligators, however are not normally a problem; unless you live near, or decide to swim in one of these waterways. Then all bets are off!

My step-son came down to visit us a couple of years ago. On the way back from the airport, we went over a canal bridge. It was a hot sunny day, so he asked me if he could take a dip in the canal. "That depends" I replied. "Depends on what?" he asked. "Well, it depends on if you want to be at the top of the food chain, or somewhere in between."

Last year, a young lady became despondent after breaking up with her boyfriend. She decided to get drunk, and then go dangle her feet in the canal near her home. They found her the next day; or should I say they found pieces of her the next day.

That's one hell of a way to get over a breakup. She probably should have gone on a food, or shopping binge.

Early this year, an elderly lady went to answer a knock at the door of her condominium. Well it wasn't really a knock as much as it was a thump, thump, thump at her door. She answered the door to find a 15ft. alligator, asking her if her dog could come out to play.

Seems the alligator had been targeting little Fifi for a couple of weeks, hoping to make her a snack. When the dog wouldn't cooperate, and come near the canal; the alligator decided to take matters into his own claws. The funny thing is, the lady lived on the second floor! The alligator climbed two sets of stairs to meet this dog!

They are not as dumb as they look.

So, if you are planning to visit Florida anytime soon, stick to your hotel pool, or the public beaches to go swimming. Lest you find out what its like to be on the wrong end of the food chain.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Maintaining An Attitude Of Gratitude

There are many people today that are interested in opening their heart center, also known as the heart chakra. The reason they want to open this chakra is to experience divine love, and the bliss associated with it.

There are also many people that are looking to develop a closeness with God that they never experienced before. The best way to accomplish both of these is by learning to give love, to the Divine, and to all of It's children.

The easiest way to give this love is to learn how to return the abundant love we have showered upon us each day by God. This is accomplished by keeping an attitude of gratitude. Nothing induces the giving of love as much as being thankful for the love, and blessings you receive.

For many of us it is easy to find things to be grateful for in our lives; abundant food, a house, a loving spouse, children, and a job are to name a few. Some of us are going through tough times and it may not be as easy to find things to be thankful for, but when you think of it, no matter how rough the stretch of karma you are working through, there are still plenty of things to be grateful for.

Material things are great, but the most important thing we all have to be thankful for is the gift of life. Each and every one of us exists because of God's love for us. I am not talking about this particular physical life you are now living, but the everlasting life we are all assured of by being the Children of God. We are all the Son's and Daughter's of God because we all have been given the Divine spark of consciousness from that part of God we call The Holy Spirit.

There are many names for this part of God; The Holy Ghost, The Bani, The Eck, The Word, The Holy Spirit, and many others. It does not matter what name your particular religion calls It, only that you realize that you are part of It, and that It enlivens you and all life.

Physical bodies will change from lifetime to lifetime as we grow and mature as spiritual beings, but our true self is unchanging and eternal.

By spending a few minutes each day giving thanks to God for the gift of life, and all the blessings and experiences that come with it, you will gradually open your heart chakra to receive, and realize Divine love. You will also develop an attitude of gratitude that will permeate your entire being and help you find the closeness with God that we all are looking for.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

An Open Letter To Those Nice Folks At P.E.T.A.

(Ed. note) This is a work of humor, not to be taken literally (especially any mention of cannibalism).


The holidays are here and once again it is time to engage in that old holiday tradition; listening to P.E.T.A. complain about the unethical treatment of turkeys, cows, chickens, pigs, and other edible animals.

I for one, am all for the ethical treatment of animals; however I do like to eat them also (especially with dressing and turkey gravy). This may seem like an ethical dilemma, but trust me it is not. I can rectify this seeming enigma in several ways.

First of all PETA there is such a thing as a FOOD CHAIN. If you can’t find it in your PETA handbook, I am sure you can ask your seventh grade daughter to show it to you in her biology book. Take a good look; are turkeys, cows, and chickens, and pigs anywhere near the top? Of course not! Turkeys, cows, and chickens are just above plants, and dirt in the food chain pecking order. This means that they are on this planet to be eaten. Think about it; if we people were not eating them, some other animal would be. Who would you rather see stave to death; me, or some fox, coyote, or wolf? Knowing you PETA guys I don’t really want to know your response.

Secondly, I read a really good novel recently that contained a really good step by step description of how turkeys are slaughtered. First they are hung upside down which disorientates them, then they shock them to daze them, then they slit their throats. What ever happens next I really don’t think the turkeys care about. But the fact is the turkeys never know what hit them so it is a benevolent way to kill them. I personally believe the turkeys would rather die like this instead of being grabbed by the throat and shaken to asphyxiation by some fox. But really, does it matter? Turkeys have a brain roughly the size of an almond; they barely know seed from gravel. I personally feel you could kill them anyway you want, and they wouldn't know the difference.

Third, if all of us people who enjoyed eating animals suddenly stopped, how would YOU eat? Face it there is only a limited supply of tofu and wheat in this world. Maybe if we got hungry enough we could eat you! We know you tofu lovers are low in fat and probably very tasty. I think you guys should shut up and leave well enough alone while you are ahead and still have plenty of tofu.

Oh, by the way PETA if it will make you feel any better, I want you to know that my Thanksgiving turkey came back to haunt me over my inhumane treatment of him.

I never should have had that turkey salad sandwich right before bed!

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Goodbye Best Friend

 

Is there anything worse than to wake up in the morning and to find your best friend lying dead? Anyone who has ever owned a dog or a cat for a pet knows what I mean. Everything seems just fine, then you go to bed one night and wake up to find your friend gone. No warning, and no chance to say good bye; just gone. Here one day, gone the next.

This is what all pet lovers, and pet owners go through one time or another. Maybe it's not a dog or a cat, maybe it's a pet guinnea pig, parrot, or ferret; whenever you lose a friend it hurts, especially when it comes unexpectedly. There is nothing you can do or say, and you are always left with an empty pit where your stomach once was.

People who don't have pets will have trouble understanding this. People who don't have pets will never understand the unconditional love that pets give, and how they give you the chance to give it. Few things in life help us learn how to open our heart to give love, as much as owning a pet.

So, as I say good bye to my old friend, I just want to take this time to thank you for teaching me how to give love, and how to accept it. Thanks for always making me feel loved even when I didn't feel very lovable. I hope some how, some way, I made you feel the same way my friend.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Big Butts

I come from German ancestry, almost all of my forebearers are German. I am a third generation American. However because of excessive in-breeding by my Grandparents, and parents, I am almost all German by descent.

Not too bad really, I was always a very good athlete; but there was one stigma I never could shake, the German Big Butt Syndrome (GBBS). It seems that all Germans (and their progeny) have big butts! And I don't mean kinda big, I mean BIG.

Like I said I was always a good athlete, but even in the best of shape, I still had a noticeable butt. "Bubble butt" is what they called me at work 10 years ago, while at the time I was running 35mi. a week to prepare for a marathon!

Well here I am, 10 years older, and only jogging (maybe shuffling is a better term), 12 mi a week.

The bubble has gotten bigger.

I try not to make a habit of bending over in front of my crew at work. The whistles and the snickers, are very embarrassing! "Hey! I can't help my DNA man! Show a brother some compassion will ya?" And to think what a good boss (jeffe, in spanish) I am to them.

Like "Dirty Harry" said,"A man has to know his limits", and right now my limits are being contained in a 36" waist. At least I know if I hap-hazardously bend over in front of someone, no one will get hurt... unless I clip them with my big butt.

About Me

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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.