Saturday, August 30, 2014

Trying Your Luck

I got new tires today. That doesn't sound like much, but it sure does mean a lot to me. You see, my last tires were almost bare, and I was very afraid of getting a blow out, or skidding in the rain. I was trying my luck, and luckily I survived until we could afford new tires.

Trying your luck can be very stressful. In today’s world we all have to try our luck a lot more than we would like. Money is tight, and when money is tight, things that were necessities, now become luxuries. For some people eating is becoming a luxury. 

The stress level of adult America is going through the roof (and so is their blood pressure).

Trying your luck can be fun and exciting at times; it can provide a great adrenaline rush. I like to try skiing down the advanced slopes even though I am not a very good skier. I will often walk under ladders, and play with fire (you should see me light my grill). Heck, sometimes I will even brave driving in rush hour traffic! That is normally very exciting. I like to try my luck in certain ways; it helps to spice up my life.

There are also certain ways I don’t want to try my luck, like driving on bad tires, or with faulty wind shield wiper blades. I don’t want to gamble that my old geezer of an air conditioner will make it through another scorching Miami summer. I don’t like having to juggle to pay bills, and I don’t like knowing that I am just one paycheck away from oblivion.

I certainly would like not to have to try my luck so much. There is just one small problem; I haven’t figured out how to yet.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

When I was a young lad, the night time sky was mysterious, and full of wonder. I was taught to always make a wish on the first star appearing in the evening dusk. To this day I remember those days, and I often still do make a wish when I see the first star of the night. Well, perhaps I should say wishes; like everyone else, the older I get, the greedier I get. I thought I might share with you the list of wishes I burdened tonight’s star with.

1) I wish that my car will last at least a year longer than the payments on that car.

2) I wish that I may live long enough to someday retire.

3) I wish that when I do retire, I can afford to do so.

4) I wish that medical benefits for everyone, were a reality, and not a pipe dream.

5) I wish I could run a marathon fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

6) I wish the Oakland Raiders would win another Super Bowl in my lifetime.

7) I wish Barrack Obama would be impeached.

8) I wish for several cases of George Dickell No. 12 Tennessee Whiskey

9) I wish there was a playoff system to determine the National Champion in college football instead of the B.C.S. system.

10) I wish to win the World Series of Poker, at least once.

11) I wish to be a well read (and well paid), writer of meaningless drivel.

12) (oh yeah, I almost forgot) I wish there was peace on Earth, and good will towards men.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

With a Little Bit Of Luck

The notion of “luck” means different things to different people. To a regular working Joe, it might mean winning the lottery, to a gambler, it might mean going on a hot streak at Las Vegas. To any guy like me, “getting lucky”, has a whole different connotation.

Whatever luck is, everybody wants some; and they want it to be good luck. Whether it’s a lucky break, a lucky throw of the dice, or a lucky encounter, luck is something everyone hopes for when they are down on their luck.

Luck is the answer to despair. Every cloud has a silver lining so to speak. No matter how bad things may get, we know that with just a stroke of luck, everything can change and we can be riding high on the hog instead of wallowing in the slop.

In these tough times it is good to have something to be optimistic about, because you never know when lady luck will smile on you. Some people make their own luck, and some just fall into it.

The important thing, is that people keep on thinking that today may just be their lucky day…because it could be.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Translating "Woman's" Speak

There have been many books written throughout the years about the differences between men and women. They all extol their reasons for the apparent differences between the sexes. Men are from this planet, while women come from another; women are emotional in nature, while men are rooted in the mental realm etc.

As a guy who has been studying the female of the species for over thirty years, I have found the major difference between the sexes. Women speak a different language than men. It sounds simple but that is the major difference between the sexes.

For the male readers out there who have not mastered “woman speak” I will list a number of woman speak phrases, and then translate them for you. It is my hope that I may be able to spare many of my fellow guys any more angst than they have already been through.

1) “I like love handles on a guy. It gives me something to hold on to.”

Translation: I would love you to have the abs, and butt of Brad Pitt, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

2) “You’re kind of cute”

Translation: I have my beer goggles on, I haven’t had a man in six months, it’s getting late, and I’m actually considering you.

3) “I have a headache”

Translation: It is always about YOU. Where were you last Friday when I was in the mood and you got too drunk to perform!

4) “Sorry I didn’t get you a birthday card, but I am not a card person”

Translation: I am not into giving cards, however you better remember to give me a card on every special holiday, event, and Valentines Day; or I will rag on you for two weeks after the missed event, and for two weeks prior to next year’s.

5) “Do I look fat in this?”

Translation: I want you to tell me how thin, and sexy I still am.

6) “She has fake boobs!”

Translation: Why are you looking at her?!

7) “I normally don’t do this”

Translation: You are going to get lucky tonight.

8) “If you touch that air conditioner, I will kill you!”

Translation: I am having a hot flash, and I will kill you if you try to turn down the air conditioner.

9) “I don’t feel like sex tonight”

Translation: I want you to take me to dinner, a movie, and out for a couple of drinks; maybe I’ll change my mind.

10) “I think I am a very level headed woman”

Translation: I am crazier than a shit house rat, and I make Amy Winehouse look like Mother Teresa.

11) “Tequila makes my clothes fall off”

Translation: If you want any action tonight, buy me a tequila!

12) “I don’t think you appreciate me”

Translation: Wine me, and dine me, you slug!

I am currently working on my Guy to Lady; and Lady to Guy dictionary. I know this will be a very valuable tool for both sexes.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

How Do You Pray To God?

How do you pray to God?

When I was a young lad I said my prayers every night before I went to bed. My prayers were mostly me asking God for something or another, like a long life, to be rich one day, my teacher would forget to check the homework assignments tomorrow, etc. etc. My prayers to God were always all about me and not about God. I felt guilty that I could not pray to God without asking for something. So what did I do? I stopped praying to God. I figured it was better not to pray at all instead always asking for something.

I am no longer a young lad, and I have grown both spiritually, and in maturity since those days. I do pray to God now, and those prayers are still all about me. My prayers now are all about how thankful I am.

I now say my prayers in the morning before I start my day. I start off by declaring my intent to be an agent of God all day long. This is my way of giving God permission to use me as he sees fit for doing his will in this world. I then give thanks for all of the gifts that God has bestowed on me. I thank God for the gift of life and all of the happiness, sadness, and challenges that life entails.

I thank God for all of the blessings he has bestowed on me; my wife, my children, my parents, my house, my car that got me to work safely, my job, and anyone who has ever shown me love. I cap off my morning prayer by singing HU for a few minutes as a song of love to my Father.

I no longer feel guilty about praying to God; in fact I feel closer to God than ever before. I now know that God knows everything I need so there is no need to ask for anything. If I do feel the need to ask my Father for anything I start my request by saying “If it be thy will”.

When you stop and think about it what do any of us really need? We all have been given eternal life as the sons, and daughters of the Father. The only thing we truly need is to learn how to love as the Father loves us.

May the blessings be.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Grasping the Concept

In college I was a psychology major. The toughest course we had to take was Experimental Psychology. I was intimidated from day one. I went to every class, I took copious notes, I sat in front (the professor was Japanese and hard to understand), I read all of the required chapters, and I high lighted all of the important terms, facts, and data. On our first big test I scored a whopping 38! Needless to say I was shocked and full of despair about passing this class.

Out of desperation I went to talk with the professor during his office hours that week. Dr Ashida was very nice and personable and tried to put me at ease. When I explained to him that I had worked very hard in his class I scored only a 38 on his first test. He said "Em, everybody do bad on that test, do not feel bad." Then he said "How did you prepare for the test?" I then told him all of the things I had done to try to be successful in his class. "Open your book to Chapter 4." I opened my book and Dr. Ashida could see all of the high lighted marks on the pages. "Why do you high light in your book like that?" he asked. "I do it to help me remember the important terms, and facts I need to know when I study" I replied. "You are missing the point here about learning. To learn you need to read the whole chapter and understand the concept. Once you grasp the concept, all of the terms, and facts will come to you naturally as you explain the concept. Do you understand?"

I did understand. I tried doing it Dr. Ashida's way and he was right. After Dr Ashida taught me how to study, I never high-lighted anything ever again. I learned to grasp the main concept and not to worry about the small stuff. Tests got easier because I knew what I was talking about; and I got an A in Experimental Psych. His teaching helped me throughout my college career, and in any learning situation I found myself in.

We hope it helps you too.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

I Sing Like a Toad

Like most people, after a hard week of work I feel the need to decompress; you know let my hair down and have some fun. I often like to have fun by going down to the local watering hole where they have karaoke every Friday night. Like most of the people in there, it often takes me a couple of shots of “liquid courage” to get the guts to go up and sing. Well that’s what I call it, singing; however a few of the locals in there would disagree with me on that.

For these folks, and everybody else that has to put up with people like me that think they can sing on Karaoke night; I have written a song. It is sung to the tune “King of the Road”

Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks, I feel alright.
Tin ear, no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but, two hours of sipping drink,
That’s when I start to think,
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I
Sing like a toad.

Bob Segar, the Ramones,
I get up, and they all moan.
I think that I just can't miss,
But my voice is as flat as piss.
Ah but, When I get up on that stage,
I think that I am all the rage.
I think I sound like Sinatra, but I
Sing like a toad.

I know every singer, and every song,
All of the patrons, we all get along.
But every time I get up there to sing,
They all put in ear plugs so they can’t hear a thing…

Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks I feel alright.
Tin ear no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but two hours of sipping my drink,
That’s when I start to think.
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I,
Sing like a toad.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Karma and the American Economy

There are people, groups of people, and nations that believe they can get something for nothing at the expense of others. These folks are ignorant of the laws of karma. The laws of karma are the universal laws that govern all souls living in the worlds of duality. The best way to describe karma is through Newton’s Law, “For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Karma is the great balancing power that rules over all souls, and ensures that all souls pay for everything they receive, and receive equal treatment for their behavior towards others. There is no escaping karma. Each and every person, no matter their status, or wealth, is subject to its law; and there are no exceptions. Unlike Newton’s Law which is seen as an immediate after effect of an action, karma may take years, or even lifetimes in order to balance out. It is karma that eventually teaches all souls, through trial and error, the lessons of love they need to master.

Karma effects not only individual souls, but also Nations (which can readily be seen working out in the Middle East), and economies.

For example let’s look at the American economy over the last fifty years. During the era of the 1960’s and 70’s the Unions of America were under the control of organized crime. The unions grew to be so powerful that workers were receiving pay and benefits over and above the work they were performing for the corporations. Workers were being paid huge wages, and performed little to nothing to receive them. In cases like this karma will come to balance out the scales, which it did.

 In 1981 President Reagan fired all of the unionized air traffic controllers, and got away with it. It was a blow that the unions have never recovered from. The era of the 80’s to the present have seen the corporations take control by exporting American jobs, slashing worker’s pay, and eroding their benefits; boosting their profit margins at the worker’s expense. In time karma will once again balance out the scales in favor of the workers; be it through compromise, or bloody revolt. History has shown us this in the past time and time again.

Anytime one side has an upper hand on the other, karma will always be involved; this causes upheaval and grief. The best policies and laws are ones that benefit everyone equally. When you take greed out of the picture, you also remove the effects of karma because there is nothing that needs to be balanced out.

If we want a smooth running economy we need to realize this fact

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Middle Aged, and It Sucks

Feeling depressed today. Kinda feeling my age. Today a very hot flight attendant came walking down the aisle of a 757 jet. Now this aircraft is 150 foot or so long, and I was standing in the rear, so I got a real nice, long look of her and her long sexy legs. It was all very nice until she came up to me, and I gave her my best smile and said "How are you today?". She said "okay" and she didn't say anything more.

I then realized, that I am too old for her to even consider.

I wasn't really all that crushed, until later when I got a chance to think about it. "God damn, I'm never gonna be able to pull prime pussy anymore! I'm old and chubby, and I smell like cigars, and shit! That really sucks!"

And it really does.

Never again will I ever feel the delight of scoring a "ten"... But then considering that all the "tens" are about my daughters age, and that I am married, and that she would cut my balls off if I ever did get that lucky, I felt a little better.

But I still feel old.

Oh well, there are still some hot looking flight attendants that are around middle age that I could still pull. Not that I would, mind you, I am married, and that cutting off of the balls part scares me. But never the less, I COULD pull it.

As long as I suck in my tummy.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Spiritual Truth

What is the truth? What is life all about, and why are we here? Who or what is God, and what is my true relationship with It? These are the questions that everyone has, and everyone is searching for these answers.

The answers to these questions have been hinted at in every holy book ever written. The religions of the world have done their utmost to conceal these answers through dogma, ritual, and centrifuge. The reason that religions have purposely tried to hide these answers is because religions are here not to be way showers, but populace controllers. If you look through out history you will see how religion and rulers have always acted hand in hand to keep people under their control. They know that if the people learn, and can GRASP the real truth, they will have no power over them.

Most of us have been taught about the Trinity, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit; but we have never been taught the truth about the Trinity. We have been taught that The Father is God the creator that The Holy Spirit emanates from The Father and that The Son is Jesus Christ, Krishna, Buddha, or who ever your religion worships. These three separate entities are actually one and encompass the totality of GOD. This teaching places mankind as subservient to the Trinity, and in need of priests, rabbis, lamas, imams, etc. to link mankind up with God. Therefore mankind needs religion and its henchmen in order to be saved from damnation in the afterlife.

The truth is there is a Trinity. There is God the Father; out of The Father emanates The Holy Spirit; and the Holy Spirit manifests each and every one of us. We are the Son! Does that mean that each of us is God? I believe it is more correct to say that God is each of us! This is the secret to the “One in the many” mentioned in the holy books.

God is One, but through love chose to be many. However there is a stipulation, The Son has to go through trials and tribulations ignorant of Its divine roots. The Son must learn and master through Its own free will the lessons needed in order to earn knowledge of Its divinity. These lessons are learned through karma, and countless reincarnations. These lessons are all love based; that is why love has been emphasized in every holy book ever written, and by every Savior that has ever come to teach The Prodigal Son.

How can each of us be manifestations of The Holy Spirit when there are literally billions if not trillions of us? Each and every one of us occupies a different state of consciousness. Your state of consciousness is the real you, and is eternal. You will always be you because God wills it. Inside your state of consciousness you are the ultimate ruler of that domain. Inside your domain YOU are lawgiver, and the final word. What ever you decide is truth, is what will manifest into your life.

Therefore it is imperative that each of us strive to hold the highest truth that we are spiritually capable of handling, what ever that truth may be; because that is what you will manifest into your life. You should try to be as positive, and as love filled as possible. You need to know that you will never be closer to God than you are right NOW.

If you are capable of doing this you will notice a change happening in your life, as your love and attitude seems to be spreading to others. This is because you are manifesting God’s love in your life and to other souls.

If enough of us can grasp the truth, and live it, we can change the world.

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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.