Saturday, February 25, 2017

We Need Illeagal Immigrants To Pick Crops?

Have you noticed these liberal postings about using illegal aliens to harvest crops; saying "How many of you Americans would do this job?" Here is my take on this; There have always been Mexican workers coming up north to harvest crops, they used to be called migrant workers. They were known and vetted, and they returned to Mexico after the harvest season was over.

We should still allow these known migrants to come up north to make some extra money, but they should have to earn citizenship like any other immigrant.

To supplant any worker shortages we might face, we should arrest all of the violent protesters. We should also arrest corrupt bankers, Wall Street agents, and politicians. They should then be sentenced to do these picking of crops jobs, or go to prison.

I say we teach these guys what it is like to have to WORK for a living. After their terms are up, I bet they will have more respect for workers, people, and their property.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

I Am An A-Hole

I am evil. I know I am evil, but I can’t help it. In fact I take a fiendish glee in being evil.

I wasn't always evil; it just came upon me about six years ago. That’s when I moved from the frozen tundra of Rochester, NY, and relocated in Miami, FL.

I remember my last day working at the airport up in Rochester, it was 5 degrees, and colder than a witch’s left bosom. In fact, the last two months I worked there, were the coldest I could remember. I really didn’t want to leave my family, and friends, but, I was forced to travel to new horizons, in order to keep my job of twenty years.

Three days later, from the back of my friend Tom’s boat, which was harbored in the Florida Keys, I discovered my evilness. It was a beautiful evening, about 70 degrees, with a gorgeous sunset off to the west. I was nursing my sixth or seventh cold brew, when I got a call from my step son on my cell phone. He told me that it was a minus 4 degrees, and snowing like a bastard up in Rochester.

That’s when I turned evil. I couldn’t help but to tell him how warm, and beautiful it was in my neck of the woods. Just to hear him tell me to go f#&k off made me feel really good. I realized that I took extreme pleasure, in pissing him off about how nice it was to live in paradise. In fact I took pleasure in pissing off everybody from up north about it.

Sometimes I would just causally mention, how it was 82, and sunny; after they told me they just got 15 inches of snow, other times I would complain that we were going through a cold spell, and that we would hit a low of 55, with only a high temperature of 72, just to hear the responses I would get from them.

There is something about living in paradise that brings out the a-hole in a guy.

If you life up north, and want to bring out your inner a-holeness, I have a guest room, give me a call.

Did I mention that we are going through a cold spell? It is supposed to get down to 60 degrees tonight. I better put on my flannel pj's tonight! Brrrr

Saturday, February 11, 2017

We Hope You Have a Miserable Flight With Us Today

I work for one of the major airlines here in Miami. The good news is I get to fly for free,(provided there is an unused seat available) the bad news is I get treated just like everybody else (crappy).

It seems that the airlines today are trying to get us to forget that you have to pay for checked baggage, overkill security, no snacks, etc. by treating us all like seven year old children. Flight attendant training now resembles Nazi nun training as evidenced by the way these people patrol the aisles, looking for reasons to berate the passengers. Heaven forbid your seat is inclined 1" during take off or landing, because you will be made to feel as if you are the lowest of low.

I had my earphones on, and plugged into the planes' audio system as we taxied for take off. One FA stopped to yell at me, " all personal electric devices have to be turned off until after take-off!" I had every passenger within ear shot of me looking at me as if I were a felon. I then pointed out to the nice lady, that my headphones were plugged into the armrest and not some offending i-pod. Without a word, she just kept going looking for the next low down perpetrator.

 Throughout that whole flight, we had another Nazi nun, er, FA, talking over the planes public address, telling us what was now permissable, and what was not permissible.

I am not a mechanic, but I do know that the shielding for the aircraft's radio system is good enough that every person on board could be operating ten i-pods each, and not effect it. So if that is the case, why the harassment? Could it be that they have nothing better to do?

 Like I mentioned, they no longer hand out pillows and blankets, no longer serve meals or snacks, and no longer assist passenger needs. But heaven forbid you HAVE to go to the restroom when the "fasten seat belt" sign is on. You will have every FA on that aircraft tell you to go back to your seat as you walk down the aisle, even if its two hours before landing.

Welcome to the friendly skies!

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Don't Let the Jones' Get You Down

Jesus said “It is easier for a camel to pass through an eye of a needle, than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Why is this? Is it because God dislikes rich people? No.

The reason it is so difficult for a rich person to enter into Heaven is because, since they have all of their physical needs met, they are preoccupied with gaining more wealth, or buying the physical pleasures of this world; not with God.

A quick look through the history of the Saints, and Saviors shows that most of them were born into poverty, or gave up their wealth to follow God. It is indeed very difficult to pursue the pleasures of the flesh, and God at the same time.

Before each incarnation every soul makes a decision on what they hope to achieve in their next lifetime spiritually. If a soul knows that he/she is nearing the end of his schooling in this world, he will often choose a harder, or more demanding life in order to pay off karmic debts so that he may move on as a Spiritual Guide, teacher, Guardian Angel, or co-worker with God.

If you are living a life of hard times, where you seem to go from one challenge to the next one; rest assured that you have chosen that life in order to graduate from constant reincarnations. Realize that you are nearing the finish line and are striving to reach it. You are like the horse that can smell water, nothing will keep you from reaching it.

When you see others with their fine homes, cars, and other amenities, don’t be envious of them; just know that YOU have chosen this life in order to gain something much more important…freedom from karma and rebirth. You have chose love over power; you have chose God over material wealth. You are like the marathon runner passing the twenty five mile point, you are tired, and you are dragging; but nothing will keep you from the finish line.

Once you have crossed that line, then you can help others on their long trek to God.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

YouBoob

When I was young, my brothers and I used to watch TV... a lot of TV! My mother would have to kick us out of the house to get us to play. My parents called the TV "the boob tube". I guess their reasoning was, if you watch too much TV, you would grow up to be a boob. Back in the 60's "boob" was a slang term for what is now referred to as a nerd, or better yet, a jerk.

Move the clock ahead forty years and kids are still entranced with the "boob tube". But these kids have taken it one step farther; they are now the boobs on the tube!

YouTube has given everyone a chance to show the world what an jerk they are! And the kids are taking full advantage of it. They love to make themselves look silly! Like the old saying goes, negative attention is better than no attention at all.

I'm not sure I understand it. When I really need to show the world I'm a jerk, I go out and sing karaoke, or I post a blog. At most, though, I am showing myself off to a couple hundred people, not a few million like you can with YouTube.

And appearing is so easy to do. You just need to rig up your cheesy computer camera so it points at you (and not the dirty house and dishes behind you), log on, and create! Video magic for all to see!

Wait a second -- I think I see the light...Yes! I, too, can be a star! My next article will not be appearing on blogspot.com. Instead, there will just be a website for you to click on, and then you will be able to see me actually read my next post to you.

Hope I remember to comb my hair. .

Friday, January 20, 2017

Things That Irk Me

I am normally an up beat positive type of a guy. I do my best to keep a positive attitude even under the most stressful situations, but there are certain things that people do that will never fail to irk me. Some people call these things “pet peeves”, but I prefer to call them “things that irk me” (I just think ‘irk' is a great, under used word). So here it is, Mike’s official list of “Things That Irk Me”.
1) Push handles on pull doors.
2) People who just have to pull out in front of you, when there are no cars behind you, then make a left hand turn 100 ft. down the road.
3) Loud mouths
4) Greedy people
5) Hooray for me, and f#&k you, type of people
6) Drivers waiting to make a left hand turn in front of you that won’t move into the center of the intersection.
7) Power driven policemen who forget that they are being paid to serve and protect.
8) Warm beer
9) Cigarette smokers who complain when I light up a cigar.
10)People who love to tease and, dish out verbal abuse, but get indignant, and offended when you do the same to them.
11)People talking on cell phones when they are paying for their groceries.
12)People sending text messages on cell phones while they are (supposedly) driving.
13)Tailgaters
14)Wet cigars
15)Guys who can’t lift the toilet seat to piss
16)People who steal your lunch at work
17)Nosy, gossiping people
18)A bed that smells like “dog”
19)Slow golfers
20)Shoppers that block the whole aisle with their shopping carts
21)Cars that won’t start
22)Anything that won’t work, when I want it to
23)Flat tires
24)Beautiful women, that know that they are beautiful
25)Spam
26)Telemarketers calling at suppertime
27)Commercials that insult my manhood and, intelligence
28)Dead cell phone batteries
29)Racists
30)Varmints, flies, and cockroaches
31)Neighborhood cats in heat
32)Potholes
33)Not being able to find my car keys at 3:45 AM, because they weren’t hung up.
34)Pull handles on push doors


Wow, I never realized there are so many things that irk me! What was that I was saying before about being positive and up beat? Forget that!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

I Sing Like a Toad

Like most people, after a hard week of work I feel the need to decompress; you know let my hair down and have some fun. I often like to have fun by going down to the local watering hole where they have karaoke every Friday night. Like most of the people in there, it often takes me a couple of shots of “liquid courage” to get the guts to go up and sing. Well that’s what I call it, singing; however a few of the locals in there would disagree with me on that.
For these folks, and everybody else that has to put up with people like me that think they can sing on Karaoke night; I have written a song. It is sung to the tune “King of the Road”


Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks, I feel alright.
Tin ear, no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but, two hours of sipping drink,
That’s when I start to think,
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I
Sing like a toad.


Bob Segar, the Ramones,
I get up, and they all moan.
I think that I just can't miss,
But my voice is as flat as piss.
Ah but, When I get up on that stage,
I think that I am all the rage.
I think I sound like Sinatra, but I
Sing like a toad.


I know every singer, and every song,
All of the patrons, we all get along.
But every time I get up there to sing,
They all put in ear plugs so they can’t hear a thing…


Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks I feel alright.
Tin ear no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but two hours of sipping my drink,
That’s when I start to think.
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I,
Sing like a toad.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Fire and Icicles

After living my entire life up in the frozen tundra of Western New York (with the exception of a two year stint at the University of Miami), I have spent the last ten years in the paradise known as Miami, Florida.

After dreading the coming of winter for so many years, I am now in the enviable position of looking forward to it.

Summers in Miami are hot, humid, and sticky; whereas the winter time is sunny, dry, and comfortable…well most years anyway. This year Miami has experienced record high temperatures in both the months of November, and December this year. We are in the middle of winter and still running our air conditioner! This is not right! I am supposed to be saving money on the electric bill by giving the air conditioner a much needed rest, but not this year.

In contrast, the northern states are getting hammered with bitter cold, and snow fall being measured by the foot not by the inch. There are many people I know up there that would love to change places with me. With the exception of the higher than normal electric bills, I guess I have no reason to gripe.
When I first moved to Miami many people told me that it is ungodly hot and humid here in the summer time. My response to them was “I would rather gripe about the heat than the cold.” I still feel that way. There is no way I would want to change places with anyone up north in the winter time. I feel for all people that have to put up with frigid temperatures, no sunshine and piles of snow for over four months a year.

However I don’t feel so bad for them that I won’t rub it in every chance I get.

I admit I get a fiendish kick mentioning on Facebook that we had a record high temperature of 89 yesterday after reading them moan about the cold and snow. I love to read their responses (I would print a couple of these remarks, but this is a family column) it makes me feel all warm and evil inside. I love to causally mention that it is 85 and sunny here, after my friend tells me they just got sixteen inches of snow; just so I can hear him tell me to go screw myself.

Does this make me a bad guy? Am I really evil? When I die will I be sentenced to become one of Satan’s minions because of this?

Perhaps, maybe it would be fitting to have one of my old friends up in Heaven causally mention over the phone that it is beautiful and 75 there after I got done griping that it is 2500 degrees and raining flaming brimstone.

I wonder; do you have to shovel brimstone out of your driveway to get to work in hell?

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Kreskin's ESP Kit and Beyond

Do you like strange but true stories? Here are three of my stories that are indeed strange, but true.

Back in the mid-sixties a guy named Kreskin, was very popular. He would go on all the popular talk shows, and do feats of ESP. My dad said he was a quack, but I was much more open minded about it than he. I was in fact intrigued, with Mr. Kreskin. My feelings were, if ESP is real, why not develop it.

I had nothing to base these feeling on, other than a child's naivete. Then Christmas of 1965, my dad bought a "family" Christmas present. It was a Kreskin's ESP kit. In this kit there were probably seven, or eight different ways to test your ESP. The pendulum, was the most popular, everyone could make it swing by concentrating on it. That was cool, but then my dad pulled out a deck of cards from the box. Since all the other kids were off playing with their other presents, I was the only one near him (fooling around with the pendulum) he called me over. He read the instructions, and said "I'm supposed to look at a card, and send it to you mentally, and you try to receive it." I said "Ok, let's try." He took a card, looked at it, then said "Here goes nothing." I could see he was really trying to send me the image, so I decided I was really going to try and get it.

I closed my eyes real tight. You know how when you close your eyes really tight, you see little squiggly things? Well, I saw thousands of squiggly things. All of a sudden, all the squiggly things formed a whirlpool, spinning around, then they formed a perfect heart! My jaw dropped to the floor. "Its a heart!" I blurted out. My dad, (a little taken aback) said "You're right, how did you know?" I said, "Dad, I SAW it!" I think my dad laughed it off, but that moment changed my life. From that moment on, I "knew" ESP was real.

At the tender age of ten, I then started buying any book on ESP and occult, I could get my hands on. By the time I turned 17 I had a small library of occult books. At that time I was very interested in astral projection. However in 1972, there were very few "how to books" on astral projection. One day at Walden books, while looking through the occult section (now called the new age section), I found a book titled, "Eckankar, Key to Secret Worlds" by Paul Twitchell. In this book Mr. Twitchell talked of "soul travel". I of course equated soul travel, with astral projection, and bought the book immediately. This, once again changed my life forever.

I brought home Eckankar: Key to Secret Worlds and read it. This book did, indeed, give various methods on how to leave your body, but their reasons to leave your body were different from mine. In Eckankar, one leaves his body to discover God, your true self, and explore the inner worlds; not to check out the planets (or some girl's bedroom when she's changing).

I was a Catholic, and God was to be feared, not loved. However, I could not shake the fact that everything I read in that book rang as truth to me. This caused a major catharsis within me. I decided to set the book aside for awhile until I came up with a resolution.

In the Fall of 1976, I was in my third semester at SUNY Brockport, after transferring there from the University of Miami. I met, and became friends with, a guy named Marty. Marty was a big guy who had played quarterback for the college football team. One Friday, Marty and his girlfriend invited myself and my fiancée over for supper. We had a few drinks and smoked a couple joints when the conversation moved to ESP. Marty's girlfriend believed she was sensitive and told of her experiences. Marty, told me of a recurring dream he kept having. In this dream, there was this "swami" guy trying to get through to him, but there was an invisible barrier (as a big pane of glass between them) and they couldn't connect. He asked me what I thought. I said that the "swami" person could be an Eck Master, and told him of my Eckankar book. He asked if he could read it, I said yes, brought it to class on Monday, and gave it to him.

About a week and a half later I walked into the Student Union to have lunch. The place was packed with students milling about. I wondered why the place was so crowded. At the end of the hall, where the entrance to the cafeteria was, I could see a bright light over the heads of the crowd in front of me. "There must be a television crew there filming; maybe that's why it's so mobbed," I thought to myself. I finally made my way to the cafeteria, and looked for the TV crew. There was none. There, standing in front of the cafeteria doors as if waiting for me, was Marty. The bright light I saw was coming from him! My jaw fell to the floor. No one else seemed to notice anything as they walked around him to get inside. Standing there agape, Marty walked up to me and said, "Mike, I read your book, and made contact with the Eck Master; I have been soul-traveling ever since." I stammered, "I can see that!" He told me he was going to drop out of school, and move to somewhere in the Caribbean. He said that his girlfriend would return my book.

I never saw him again.

After encountering Marty for the last time, I was shaken. I had never seen an aura before, let alone seeing one from down a long hall with hundreds of people in the way. I was left with two thoughts: (1) maybe my gut feelings were right, and there was something to this Eckankar, and (2) perhaps God had used me like John the Baptist to awaken a spiritual giant.

I felt honored to be part of Marty's awakening, but I was leery of how Marty just dropped everything to answer his calling. I was only 21, and I liked to have fun. I was not ready to drop everything and run off to some ashram. I only had the one book, and many unanswered questions about Eckankar.
I felt that maybe God does have a plan for me, but I was afraid. I left Eckankar: Key to Secret Worlds on the shelf, and went about my life as a student.

In February of 1979, I was a supervisor for airline catering at the Rochester, NY airport. I got to know an employee named "Mike W". He was a loner, and kind of an odd duck, but he was also very intelligent. Mike ran our airline liquor department so he was alone in this room filled with mini-bottles of liquor. I would sometimes check on him, and talk to him. I found out that he was an initiate in Eckankar. This floored me, because I had never met anyone else who had even heard of Eckankar, let alone someone who had been practicing it for ten years. We became close friends, playing chess (he always beat me, and I was pretty good), and talking about Eckankar.

One day he was riding in my car with me; it was a very cold and gray winter day. He told me that everyone is divine because everyone is soul. The major religions had everything backwards. "You are not a physical body that owns a soul, but you are soul, and you take on various bodies to gain experience."

To him, soul and the Holy Spirit (The Eck) were one and the same. I asked how could this be when there are billions of different people. He maintained that we are all manifestations of the same great power, but we all operate from different states of consciousness. He also maintained that each person is not only in control of his or her state of consciousness, but that they are also supreme ruler of that domain.

"Each person is God! That is why love is so important. We exist because God loves us. Without love, there would be just God. By loving God with all your heart, you complete a circle of love, enabling you to inherit your birth right, The Throne of God!"

I drove silently, mulling over his words, when I noticed up the road, off to the side, was a police car. I thought to myself, "If I'm in control of my state of consciousness, I don't want that to be a police car!" We came up to the car and, to my shock, it wasn't a police car, but instead it was a convertible with the top rolled back...in February!

I immediately thought to myself, "That wasn't a police car after all!"

Mike then looked at me and grinned. "That was pretty neat what you did to that cop car."
I said, "You saw that?" He said, "Yes I was tuned into your wave length...look over there!" I looked where he pointed, and there was the cop car, driving though a parking lot. "You didn't destroy it, you just moved it from one spot to another."

"But what of the cops, won't they be shaken up, sitting along side the road one second, then popping up in a parking lot the next?"

"Remember", he said, "they are in control of their own state. They believe they drove over there."

"Well I'm glad you saw what happened because I was convincing myself it wasn't a cop car after all."

"We all do that all the time, perform miracles or little feats of magic, and then we convince ourselves we didn't do them."

That was the day of my awakening. I realized that I don't have to run off and join an ashram. I don't have to go to church. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to be anybody but myself.

I just have to love God, love my neighbor, and love myself. The rest will be taken care of.

May the blessings be.

Friday, December 23, 2016

It Takes One To Know One

When I was a young boy, whenever I got into a spat with one of my brothers, we'd start calling each other names. My mother would break us up by saying, "Don't call people names; it takes one to know one."

It didn't mean much to me back then, but the older I get, the more I realize that she was right.


I started noticing a trend. It was always the fat person in our group who would call some stranger fat. Always. It was always the biggest slacker at work calling someone else lazy. It was always the most truth-challenged individual calling someone else a liar, etc, etc.


This is true with any number of human faults we can think of. Why? One Eastern philosophy claims that the outer world is, in fact, a reflection of our inner world, and that when you pick out a shortcoming in someone else, you are, in fact, recognizing it within yourself. This is a little heavy, but there does seem to be a connection of some type.


Try your own little experiment at work, at home, on your softball team...anyplace where you will be with a group of diverse people. Note when someone starts talking about someone else. Does that person have the same fault that he/she is picking out on someone else?


You might be surprised.

About Me

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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.