Sunday, January 14, 2018

I Am An A-hole

I am evil. I know I am evil, but I can’t help it. In fact I take a fiendish glee in being evil.
I wasn't always evil; it just came upon me about six years ago. That’s when I moved from the frozen tundra of Rochester, NY, and relocated in Miami, FL.
I remember my last day working at the airport up in Rochester, it was 5 degrees, and colder than a witch’s left bosom. In fact, the last two months I worked there, were the coldest I could remember. I really didn’t want to leave my family, and friends, but, I was forced to travel to new horizons, in order to keep my job of twenty years.
Three days later, from the back of my friend Tom’s boat, which was harbored in the Florida Keys, I discovered my evilness. It was a beautiful evening, about 70 degrees, with a gorgeous sunset off to the west. I was nursing my sixth or seventh cold brew, when I got a call from my step son on my cell phone. He told me that it was a minus 4 degrees, and snowing like a bastard up in Rochester.
That’s when I turned evil. I couldn’t help but to tell him how warm, and beautiful it was in my neck of the woods. Just to hear him tell me to go f#&k off made me feel really good. I realized that I took extreme pleasure, in pissing him off about how nice it was to live in paradise. In fact I took pleasure in pissing off everybody from up north about it.
Sometimes I would just causally mention, how it was 82, and sunny; after they told me they just got 15 inches of snow, other times I would complain that we were going through a cold spell, and that we would hit a low of 55, with only a high temperature of 72, just to hear the responses I would get from them.
There is something about living in paradise that brings out the a-hole in a guy.
If you life up north, and want to bring out your inner a-holeness, I have a guest room, give me a call.
Did I mention that we are going through a cold spell? It is supposed to get down to 60 degrees tonight. I better put on my flannel pj's tonight! Brrrr

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Sliding Down the Razor Blade Of Life

When I was a young lad, my life was one game after another; not figuratively, but literally. During the baseball season my friends, and brothers, and I, played baseball everyday. During football season, we played football, and during the winter we played hockey. It was a great childhood. When I got older, I played sports in high school. I wrestled, played football, ran track and cross country, and even lettered in golf. Those were good years also.
When I went to college I still played some inter-mural sports, but because I was paying my own way through school, I also had to work. My sports career ended on a bad note, when during a co-ed broom ball game, I caught a broom stick in the mouth by a girl who didn't know you can't throw high sticks. With two real teeth less than before, I started my working career full time.
Life has been kind of down hill ever since. Not that it has been all bad, I've raised two great kids; but now I have to face the pressures of being a grownup...everyday. My life is like a pinball machine, I bounce from one challenge, to another, to another, ad infinitum. As soon as I fix one problem, sure enough, another one comes along to take its place. I seek a respite, a break in the action, but I'm too old to play anything except cards and my TV remote.
Fortunately, I have two outlets to help me stay young in body and mind. I still run, (not as much as before 9/11, when I could put five miles in during lunch time, until airport security got too restrictive); and I still log between 12-20 miles a week. I also write a blog. Between thinking about what the hell I'm going to write about, and thinking about what the hell I'm actually writing, its a great way to get my mind off today's problems.
Well, Doc, I see my time's about up. Time to get off your couch until our next session. Thanks for listening to me, I'll see you in a couple of days.

Saturday, January 6, 2018

Thank You to My Readers

Over 300,000 people have read my articles over the years. I have never made one penny off of them. So you might wonder why I bother.
One reason: love.
I write some humorous articles, some spiritual, some health conscious, some political, and some about life. I write all of these to make my readers think.
"All of my articles are designed to make you think (even the humorous ones) what you think is up to you."
I have spent over 50 years accumulating knowledge that I wish to pass onto others. Much of what I have learned is way off of the beaten path for most people, because I choose to look beyond that path.
I consider myself a way-shower. I am not a way-pusher, or a way-shover. I put out what I have learned over the years and let the reader decide if it resonates with them or not.
My articles are my gift of love to the world; I have no other motive. Since I make no money off of them, what other reason would I do this?
To those who take the time to read my articles, I say thank you. To those of you who share my articles with others, I say thank you.
All any writer wants is to be read, and considered. Thanks for making this happen for me.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Things That Irk Me

I am normally an up beat positive type of a guy. I do my best to keep a positive attitude even under the most stressful situations, but there are certain things that people do that will never fail to irk me. Some people call these things “pet peeves”, but I prefer to call them “things that irk me” (I just think ‘irk' is a great, underused word). So here it is, Mike’s official list of “Things That Irk Me”.
1) Push handles on pull doors.
2) People who just have to pull out in front of you, when there are no cars behind you, then make a left hand turn 100 ft. down the road.
3) Loud mouths
4) Greedy people
5) Hooray for me, and f#&k you, type of people
6) Drivers waiting to make a left hand turn in front of you that won’t move into the center of the intersection.
7) Power driven policemen who forget that they are being paid to serve and protect.
8) Warm beer
9) Cigarette smokers who complain when I light up a cigar.
10)People who love to tease and, dish out verbal abuse, but get indignant, and offended when you do the same to them.
11)People talking on cell phones when they are paying for their groceries.
12)People sending text messages on cell phones while they are (supposedly) driving.
14)Wet cigars
15)Guys who can’t lift the toilet seat to piss
16)People who steal your lunch at work
17)Nosy, gossiping people
18)A bed that smells like “dog”
19)Slow golfers
20)Shoppers that block the whole aisle with their shopping carts
21)Cars that won’t start
22)Anything that won’t work, when I want it to
23)Flat tires
24)Beautiful women, that know that they are beautiful
26)Telemarketers calling at suppertime
27)Commercials that insult my manhood and, intelligence
28)Dead cell phone batteries
30)Varmints, flies, and cockroaches
31)Neighborhood cats in heat
33)Not being able to find my car keys at 3:45 AM, because they weren’t hung up.
34)Pull handles on push doors

Wow, I never realized there are so many things that irk me! What was that I was saying before about being positive and upbeat? Forget that!

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Don't Worship the Messenger, Get the Message

Everybody has their own personal views in life. Sometimes we keep them to ourselves, sometimes we tell others about them. As Americans, we all have the right, not only to hold our own view on something, but also to voice that view.

I don’t understand why, but many people feel they can hold, and state their views, but attack others who hold and state different views; especially in the matter of religion. It seems to me that these folks have forgotten the two basic tenets of their Savior’s, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude.
I am not talking only about Christianity, but all of the world’s religions. Every religion was started by an enlightened being who taught mostly about love, and the need for tolerance. I do mean ALL of the world’s religions. If you don’t believe me research it.
It seems to me that the followers of all religions worship their messenger, but have never got the message. What could anyone be fighting about? If you follow the tenets of your Savior, how could anyone have a problem with someone stating their view point, or practicing their religion?
We all need to lighten up. As long as your faith is grounded on love, and you practice that love as best you can, you are growing spiritually.
To my fundamentalist readers out there, I know this is “way out there” for you. I respect your views and I am certainly not picking a fight with you. I am a “New Age” espouser, I do not deny that. I grew up a staunch Catholic, but as I grew, so did my understanding. If you are interested in my personal experiences, the early years are documented in "Kreskin's ESP Kit and Beyond"
If everyone could grasp the concept of “Love God, love yourself, and love thy neighbor as thy self” this world would be plunged into a golden age.
Think about it.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

I'm Dreaming Of a Green Christmas

I wrote this when I was 13.

I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
Unlike any other that I know.
Who wants to shovel, and have to hovel
To keep warm out in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
with every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry as they seem
And may all your Christmas' be green.

Since I moved to the Homestead/Miami area 15 years ago I get my wish every year. Merry Christmas to all of my friends whether you like it green or white. Mike

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

When I was a young lad, the night time sky was mysterious, and full of wonder. I was taught to always make a wish on the first star appearing in the evening dusk. To this day I remember those days, and I often still do make a wish when I see the first star of the night. Well, perhaps I should say wishes; like everyone else, the older I get, the greedier I get. I thought I might share with you the list of wishes I burdened tonight’s star with.

1) I wish that my car will last at least a year longer than the payments on that car.
2) I wish that I may live long enough to someday retire.
3) I wish that when I do retire, I can afford to do so.
4) I wish that medical benefits for everyone, were a reality, and not a pipe dream.
5) I wish I could run a marathon fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon.
6) I wish the Oakland Raiders would win another Super Bowl in my lifetime.
7) I wish Barrack Obama would be impeached.
8) I wish for several cases of George Dickell No. 12 Tennessee Whiskey
9) I wish there was a playoff system to determine the National Champion in college football instead of the B.C.S. system.
10) I wish to win the World Series of Poker, at least once.
11) I wish to be a well read (and well paid), writer of meaningless drivel.
12) (oh yeah, I almost forgot) I wish there was peace on Earth, and good will towards men.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Guardian At the Gate Of Consciousness

Spirituality has always existed, but with the emergence of Quantum Physics people are now understanding that there is scientific evidence that spirituality is real. This realization is broadening to the point that mankind is reaching a tipping point where this understanding will become universal among all men. As we approach this golden age, it is important to understand how each of us individuals play an important part in this process, as we grow individually, and collectively.
Quantum Physics has shown that the behavior of particles are influenced by having an observer present watching. It has also shown that distance is not relevant in the relationship of any two or more homogeneous particles. Science cannot really explain why this is, but both of these have have been shown in many scientific experiments; and they show the power of attention, and intention. Explaining why this is so, is where spirituality comes in.
There is One Consciousness which is referred to as God; out of this great Consciousness spring the countless states of consciousness which comprise mankind, plants, animals, and everything that exists. Each state is separate, and individual, but also still a part of the One Consciousness.
The key for each of us to learn is attention, and the Law of Attraction. What you focus your attention on, is what you will attract to you.
Most of us have been taught to love God, and hate Satan; to love good, but hate evil. We have been taught to love the positive things, but to hate the negative things. What we have not been taught is that in the physical world God/Satan, good/evil, positive/negative, are two sides of the same coin. Just as a bar magnet could not exist without a positive end, and a negative end, this world could not exist without a mixture of positive, and negative.
What does this have to do with attention, and the Law of Attraction? When you love something, you are putting your attention on it, drawing it to you. Likewise, when you hate something you are putting attention on it drawing it to you. This creates a dichotomy which keeps us from manifesting what we truly want in life.
This is the secret of the mystics. If you want God, beauty, and the positive things to manifest in your life, align yourself with them and love them, but be indifferent to evil, and the things you don't want. By removing your attention from the negative, you allow the positive to manifest and flourish.
Each of us must be the guardian at the gate of their consciousness. Be mindful of the movies, TV shows, etc. that you allow into your state. Avoid taking sides in heated debates, and try to avoid all negative emotions such as anger, fear, and hate.
As mankind learns to focus on love, and beauty, and to be indifferent to evil, and selfishness, we will see the dawning of a new golden age.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Habla Ingles?

Hi, I am an American, I love being an American. All my life, I have been surrounded by people who spoke American. Of course I mean the Queen's English, but hell, it’s always been American to me. Now, I live and work around Miami, unfortunately, nobody told most of the residents, that this is indeed, America. Almost everybody speaks Spanish! And I mean ALMOST everybody.

There is a small pocket of us "gringos" to try and keep a small semblance of American life.

Our house is the black sheep of our neighborhood. My neighbors are disappointed in just about everything about us, from the color of our house (yellow), the football we cheer for (real football, not soccer), and the old rock and roll I play a little too loud once in a while.

Oh, yeah, did I fail to mention that we speak English?

Actually, my neighbors, are pretty cool, even if we are different, and they do put up with things like my step son's broken down truck (that he swears he's going to put on the road) sitting in my front yard for six months.

Like I said, we're trying to promote the American way.

Well, my wife has had enough of it. Since she can't go up north (easily), she found herself a job bar-tending at this little old red neck bar. It’s very nice, and very white, and everybody does speak English...for now. She said to me "Everybody knows that they have to speak English if they want any service. I don't take any orders in Spanish."

 Right! Until a Latino buys the place, then she'll be asking every person that walks in the place
"Habla Ingles?"

Saturday, December 2, 2017

The Dance Of Life

Life is nothing more than one large Arthur Murray Dance School. From the moment we take our first steps as toddlers, we go through life learning new and different steps. The music we dance to is the rhythm of life. With every new situation, relationship, and employer, we have to learn new steps to be successful.
As kindergartners and throughout elementary school we learn the basic steps of how to get along with others, and how to play well with others. As we enter high school we get into more complicated relationships; boyfriends, girlfriends, dating, the steps we learn change and become more complex. We learn that in a relationship sometimes you call the tune, and sometimes the other person will call the tune you both dance to.
As young adults we learn that our employers, and bosses will be calling the tune, and teach us the steps we have to dance to. As we grow and move up the corporate ladder, we learn that we have to follow the tune of our bosses, while calling the tune for our underlings. The dance becomes more complex.
In marriage we often find that the steps that were once so exciting have become routine and boring. To keep a marriage alive and vibrant you have to incorporate new steps from time to time to stay interested, or in time we will find new partners to dance with.
There is an old saying that people hate change, that is true, but they really hate dull and routine even more. Life is all about growth and change, and we reflect that in our dance.
Today life is changing at a pace never seen before by man. Everyday it seems that we have to learn new steps in order to survive. Life is certainly more difficult, but it is definitely not boring.
As for me, I’m dancing as fast as I can.

About Me

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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.