Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Janis Has Returned (and She Brought a Guitar With Her)

Well, I just got home from my vacation. I spent much of the week checking out new acts at The Rochester Jazz Fest. I had a real good time, and it was very enlightening. I saw a lot of great acts, and learned about some new rising stars. This post is to tell you about one of them.
When I was a young teen, there’re was a young lady that set the Rock-N-Roll world on fire; her name was Janis Joplin. She came from a small Texas town near Austin. This has been the breeding ground for many memorable rockers, most notably besides Janis, was Stevie Ray Vaughn.
Well I believe that Janis has come back to us, and she has brought a guitar with her this time. Janis has reincarnated as a young woman named Carolyn Wunderlund. Carolyn also hails from a small town near Austin Texas, and it is not hard to see the similarities to Janis, and Stevie.
I had never heard of Carolyn Wunderlund before my friend Mickey and I went to see her last Tuesday, but she made quite an impression on me.
Carolyn walked out on stage in a dress you would see Mennonite women wearing, with brightly colored red, and yellow hair, and a guitar. She looks a lot like Janis Joplin did, but the similarities don’t end there. The first time she opened her mouth to sing I was taken aback. This woman has a voice at least as good as Janis’ was. I was amazed! My amazement was just starting though, as she started playing her guitar. This woman can flat out play the guitar! My comment to Mickey was, “She’s not Stevie Ray Vaughn, but she’s not far away.” She rocked, and sang for almost two hours, and I am not lying when I say she blew everyone away.
After the concert everyone in attendance agreed that she put on one of the finest shows ever seen by my friends and I. I just couldn't get over the fact that she is still a virtual unknown to most people. This will not be the case for much longer as the word is getting out on Miss Wunderlund. She is such a polished and powerful singer, that if she had never touched a guitar that night, I would have still walked away from that concert in awe.
I highly recommend to all of my friends out there to find Carolyn Wunderlund on YouTube and check her out. Then you can tell your friends about her.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

I Sing Like a Toad

Like most people, after a hard week of work I feel the need to decompress; you know let my hair down and have some fun. I often like to have fun by going down to the local watering hole where they have karaoke every Friday night. Like most of the people in there, it often takes me a couple of shots of “liquid courage” to get the guts to go up and sing. Well that’s what I call it, singing; however a few of the locals in there would disagree with me on that.
For these folks, and everybody else that has to put up with people like me that think they can sing on Karaoke night; I have written a song. It is sung to the tune“King of the Road”

Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks, I feel alright.
Tin ear, no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but, two hours of sipping drink,
That’s when I start to think,
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I
Sing like a toad.

Bob Segar, the Ramones,
I get up, and they all moan.
I think that I just can't miss,
But my voice is as flat as piss.
Ah but, When I get up on that stage,
I think that I am all the rage.
I think I sound like Sinatra, but I
Sing like a toad.

I know every singer, and every song,
All of the patrons, we all get along.
But every time I get up there to sing,
They all put in ear plugs so they can’t hear a thing…

Karaoke, Friday night,
A few drinks I feel alright.
Tin ear no musical sense,
I smoke lots of cigarettes.
Ah but two hours of sipping my drink,
That’s when I start to think.
I’m gonna get up there and sound like Elvis, but I,
Sing like a toad.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Just a Song Before I Go

When I was a kid, I really got into MAD Magazine. Never got into Cracked or the others of that genre, but I really got into MAD. One of my favorite parts of that mag was when they wrote parody songs to popular songs of that time. You would sing their funny lyrics to the tune of that well known song.
Early in my blogging career, I got into a phase where I wrote some songs (that I thought were funny) but hardly got read.
Well I am going on vacation, and I thought I would use this space to shamelessly, plug some of these songs. I figured that some of you might actually go into withdrawal if you had to go through a whole week without something new.
There is an old saying (I just made it up) “If you haven’t read it yet, it is new to you.
So, for you “mike-aholics” out there, (all two or three of you) here is your ration for the week. Read “Home Owner’s Plight (I’m Not Handy)” today; read “Big Daddy’s Blues” on Tuesday, read “A Day in the Life (Of Me At 73)” on Friday, and read "I Sing Like a Toad" on Sunday.
I will be home next Monday and the transition will be seamless.
Love you all, thanks for reading me, see you next week. Mike

Saturday, June 13, 2015

WTF!? Citizen Spy Groups?

I remember when I was a kid, we used to watch TV footage of East Berliners/Germans risking their lives to escape from their country. They were running from their own country because it had become a utilitarian society of the highest proportions. The escapees knew if they could get to West Germany, or the US, they would be able to live their lives as they chose. I was glad we were able help the few that got out.
Today I wonder if we are closer to living in an East German state than the U.S.A. of my youth. Think about it, where can you go today without being on a camera somewhere? If you are daring enough to fly, the TSA has given you the option of getting unknown amounts of radiation, and letting them see you totally naked; or you can get the "pat down" where they literally grab your genitals, and breasts.
All of this to keep you "safe".
We are becoming conditioned as a society to accept atrocities that East Germans never had to endure.
If airplanes were dropping out of the sky because of terrorists, maybe we would have reason to eradicate most of the Constitution; however the last "terrorist" attack was 9/11. All the evidence points to a government conspiracy behind the events of 9/11, not a bunch of scary men in turbans.
Seems to me we need to be kept safe from our own government.
Now the Dept. of Homeland Security (the first time I heard Bush call it that I thought of Nazi Germany) Big Sis, Janet Napolitano has started the "See Something, Say Something" campaign trying to get Americans ratting on each other to the Feds. They have tele-screens at over 9,000 locations, and Wal-Mart Stores, spewing out their message to the typical Wal-Mart customer.
What could possibly go wrong?
"Yes Mr. FBI man, I want to report a suspicious person. She's standing in front of me here in this long line at the check out, and she's wearing an orange tube top! Everyone knows you wear white tube tops in the summer!"
Wal-Mart is just the beginning, wait until you see Janet's sour puss in Times Square.
A CITIZEN SPY RING!!! If you thought you already had too many eyes on you, you haven't seen anything yet. We are going to have to worry about our neighbors, our co-workers, the folks at church, and people on the street, and in the stores. If this is not bad enough, legislation is being introduced to give these "citizen spies" immunity from lawsuits if their information is incorrect.
Are you kidding me?
"I'm so sorry I had the Feds bust down your door, shoot your dog, and sack your house. You really shouldn't have worn an orange tube bitch"
We really are playing out Orwell's novel 1984 here today, not only in the US, but on a world wide scale. If we don't wake up to what is happening around us, and resist it, it will become too late. Unlike those brave souls back in the past risking their lives for freedom, we won't have anywhere to run. We will be living the East German nightmare forever.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Taking Back What Is Ours

We The People...are the basic tenets of why our country was formed, and why the Constitution and the Bill of Rights were incorporated into our government. " We The People" as American citizens are ensured though our birthright, and that fact that we are FREE men, certain rights bestowed upon us by our founding fathers. The reason our founding fathers went through such pains is to help ensure that "We The People" would not ever have to go through serfdom, and slavery that so many others before them had to endure from their government.
Our Federal government, most state and local governments have been infiltrated, and taken over by agents that answer to the international bankers, and large corporations. "We The People" have become little more than grist to be ground under the wheels of these people. We as a people need to start paying attention to how many rights, and privileges we have lost to the Federal government in the supposed need for safety from terrorists, and the like.
This brings up the question, how do We The People take back what is rightfully ours, and how do we make our government subservient to us, instead of us being subservient to them?. The purpose of this article is to show how it can be done.
First we need to recognize who and what is the enemy to our freedom, our Constitution, and our ability to function as free men and women, and not as indentured servants. The primary concern for all of us is to take back our legislatures on a Federal, and state level. This means that almost all incumbent Senators, and Representatives need to be voted out of office. If the incumbent voted for the trillion dollar bail out of the banks, he/she needs to be voted out of office. If they voted for the so called "Patriot Act", they need to be voted out. If he/she voted for the,National Defense Authorization Act, (NDAA) they need to be voted out. If he/she voted for HR 3534 to give control of our coasts, harbors, great lakes, and rivers to the United Nations, they need to be voted out. We need to vote for people who openly support the Constitution, and who's voting record proves that they are patriotic. We need to rise above the two party paradigm and vote for candidates that will represent their constituents, no matter their party, and not the people supplying them with money.
On a local level we need to elect county sheriffs that will stand up the the Feds and will keep them out of local matters that are entrusted to them by the Constitution. This point is very important. As long as we have courts to uphold the Constitution, we need to have strong people in charge that will stand up to the Feds, and take them to court if necessary to protect their people.
Third, we need to over throw the Federal Reserve Bank. The Fed as it is called, is not Federal in that it answers to the government, but it is an independent corporation that is run by off shore bankers. Our entire money supply, and control is in the hands of foreigners! Our currency is quickly being turned into Monopoly money by these folks as they work for a one world currency, and government that will be run by them. We need to elect people like Ron Paul and others who openly call for the end to the Fed.
Fourth, SUPPORT STATE'S RIGHTS! A wise man said, "Countries are a fire-wall to tyranny". Well in our case states are a fire-wall to tyranny. State's rights are found in the tenth, and eleventh amendments of the Constitution. Any attempt at the Federal Government's infringement of these State's rights must be fought in the court.
Our government was not infiltrated over night, and there is no quick cure on how to get it back. That being said, the quickest way to get it back is through citizen action, please get involved.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

How Do You Pray To God?

How do you pray to God?
When I was a young lad I said my prayers every night before I went to bed. My prayers were mostly me asking God for something or another, like a long life, to be rich one day, my teacher would forget to check the homework assignments tomorrow, etc. etc. My prayers to God were always all about me and not about God. I felt guilty that I could not pray to God without asking for something. So what did I do? I stopped praying to God. I figured it was better not to pray at all instead always asking for something.
I am no longer a young lad, and I have grown both spiritually, and in maturity since those days. I do pray to God now, and those prayers are still all about me. My prayers now are all about how thankful I am.
I now say my prayers in the morning before I start my day. I start off by declaring my intent to be an agent of God all day long. This is my way of giving God permission to use me as he sees fit for doing his will in this world. I then give thanks for all of the gifts that God has bestowed on me. I thank God for the gift of life and all of the happiness, sadness, and challenges that life entails.
I thank God for all of the blessings he has bestowed on me; my wife, my children, my parents, my house, my car that got me to work safely, my job, and anyone who has ever shown me love. I cap off my morning prayer by singing HU for a few minutes as a song of love to my Father.
I no longer feel guilty about praying to God; in fact I feel closer to God than ever before. I now know that God knows everything I need so there is no need to ask for anything. If I do feel the need to ask my Father for anything I start my request by saying “If it be thy will”.
When you stop and think about it what do any of us really need? We all have been given eternal life as the sons, and daughters of the Father. The only thing we truly need is to learn how to love as the Father loves us.
May the blessings be.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Middle-Aged, and It Sucks

Feeling depressed today. Kinda feeling my age. Today a very hot flight attendant came walking down the aisle of a 757 jet. Now this aircraft is 150 feet or so long, and I was standing in the rear, so I got a real nice, long look of her and her long sexy legs. It was all very nice until she came up to me, and I gave her my best smile and said "How are you today?". She said "OK" and she didn't say anything more.
I then realized, that I am too old for her to even consider.
I wasn't really all that crushed, until later when I got a chance to think about it. "God damn, I'm never gonna be able to pull prime pussy anymore! I'm old and chubby, and I smell like cigars, and shit! That really sucks!"
And it really does.
Never again will I ever feel the delight of scoring a "ten"... But then considering that all the "tens" are about my daughters age, and that I am married, and that she would cut my balls off if I ever did get that lucky, I felt a little better.
But I still feel old.
Oh well, there are still some hot looking flight attendants that are around middle age that I could still pull. Not that I would, mind you, I am married, and that cutting off of the balls part, and sitting down to pee for the rest of my life, scares me. But never the less, I COULD pull it.
As long as I suck in my tummy.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Celebrity Hurricane Death Pool

This post was originally published back in August of 2008 in an alternate universe. It is re-published for your enjoyment.

Here we go again. After narrowly skirting the last two hurricanes, we now have three more knocking on our door step. Hurricane Hannah, is expected to slide past us here in South Florida, causing nothing more than pleasurable breezes, and an occasional shower, then slam into Georgia, or the Carolinas. Meanwhile, just east of Hannah lurks Ike.

Right now Ike is a Category(cat.) 4 storm and Miami is right in the center of the cone of death. It's gonna get pretty exciting around here in a couple of days. We have not yet gone def-com 4 (all hurricane coverage, all the time), but we are getting plenty of updates. Come Monday we will move to def-com 4, then the fun begins.

Every local channel, and The Weather Channel (TWC) will have their stable of brave young souls, venture out in the middle of a HURRICANE, to give us up to date coverage of just how bad it is outside. Very good ....for ratings, not so good for the cameraman, and the broadcaster. To say that these folks are putting their life in danger, is to say that playing frisbee in rush hour traffic is dangerous.

About three weeks ago when Fay came up past us, one of the local channels had a camera crew in Key West, to ..ah, get good ratings. They had a young lady broadcaster about 24, that probably didn't weigh 110 lbs. Since the camera can't record well while facing the rain, the young lady had to face a hard rain in driving 55 mph winds, while still delivering her spiel! I applaud her moxie, but the whole time I was watching I was afraid that she was going to make like Mary Poppins and fly away! No big deal really, as long as she hangs on to the microphone; then they can just reel her in like a kite.

Well, with Hannah, and Ike we'll really get a chance to really see their moxie.
I'm thinking of starting a celebrity hurricane death pool at work. Its easy, just get 5-10 people to bet $10 each. You make a board with your favorite hurricane hunters on it (one celebrity per contestant). You then draw lots, or cut cards to figure out who YOUR celebrity is. If that intrepid person gets swept away, and never seen again... you win!
What fun! What a great way to win $100!
I am personally hoping I can draft TWC head hurricane hunter Jim Cantore. He is one ballsy M.F'er. All the more likely he will win me the dough. Also, since Hannah is expected to hit a day or two before Ike, I KNOW Jim will be at both events, while the local heroes will only be attending Ike.
Go Jim go! Go Jim Go!

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

The Cone Of Death!

This a re-post just for your enjoyment.

I really like living in South Florida. It has a lot to be said about it. I love it sunny and nice everyday. The summers, however can be a little hard to take, the sun is brutal, the humidity is stifling, and South Florida is a magnet for hurricanes.
Every year, you live knowing, another Andrew type hurricane could hit again...and boy do the local TV channels rake in big dough! There is nothing like scaring someone, to get them to pay attention, and here in Miami, we are nearing def com 4.
We now have hurricane Sandy churning about 800 miles to the southeast of us. The possibility of a hurricane is imminent. Now is the time for "all hurricane, all the time, programming"!
Believe you me, we can't get enough of it! We love "all hurricane, all the time"!
To people who have never paid much attention to hurricanes before, you don't know what you're missing. All the excitement down here revolves around the ever changing, very mysterious, projection track that the computers THINK the storm is going to follow. This track is known as " the cone" because the farther you project away, the larger the scope of the cone.
I have affectionately tabbed this "The Cone of Death".
Here in Miami we are soooo hooked on the cone of death. Everybody is constantly asking "are we in the cone?" Since nobody has any frigging idea where a hurricane is going to go, they keep changing the cone. One hour you're in, the next hour out.
Now, its hard to really get into this game, if you live in say... Maine.... No! To really play and get into this game you have to come down here in South Florida and sit on the bull's eye with us.
You'd be hooked on "all hurricane programming, all the time" too.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

With a Little Bit Of Luck

The notion of “luck” means different things to different people. To a regular working joe, it might mean winning the lottery, to a gambler, it might mean going on a hot streak at Las Vegas. To any guy like me, “getting lucky”, has a whole different connotation.
Whatever luck is, everybody wants some; and they want it to be good luck. Whether it’s a lucky break, a lucky throw of the dice, or a lucky encounter, luck is something everyone hopes for when they are down on their luck.
Luck is the answer to despair. Every cloud has a silver lining so to speak. No matter how bad things may get, we know that with just a stroke of luck, everything can change and we can be riding high on the hog instead of wallowing in the slop.
In these tough times it is good to have something to be optimistic about, because you never know when lady luck will smile on you. Some people make their own luck, and some just fall into it.
The important thing, is that people keep on thinking that today may just be their lucky day…because it could be.

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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.