Gambling Women

Can anyone tell me, what is with women and gambling?

I am not talking about just any gambling either, I am talking about slot machines. Women are drawn to slot machines like moths to a flame. Just like those proverbial moths, almost all of the women get burned by these things. It doesn't matter. No many how many times they have lost their asses playing these stupid games, they still salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs whenever they hear the bells, and see the lights of slot machines.

Here in Miami and most of the US, gambling has run rampant. There are several large casinos in our area, and most of the bars have slot machines also. You can walk into any of these places and see women lined up like lemmings waiting to dive off the cliff of their financial solvency. They will sit there for hours, (or until their money runs out) staring into the screens of these money robbing machines. These slot machines must be using some kind of subliminal programming to suck these women in because they all sit staring straight ahead as if they were in a trance.

My wife is one of these people. I keep hearing her say "I'm going to save money for a vacation, or new furniture etc." then the next thing I know she has run off to the casino and donated all of her money to those nice Indians. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

To my wife, and all of the other dumb women out there hooked on these machines, I have one thing I want to say. Since you like to pull on the handle so much, I have a handle you can pull on!

Pull on this!

If you pull it enough there is a 100% chance of a pay out.

Hell, you don't even have to give me your money.

Hot Flashes, Cold Nights

Back in the fall of of 1973 I was a young freshman at the University of Miami. I was given a room at the older dorm, Mahoney Hall. There was no air conditioning in our room, so the September nights were often pillow soaked experiences.

Late in that month, they installed a room air conditioner. My roommate Andy and I thought this would be our salvation. We were wrong. It led to us not rooming together the next year. Why? The reason was I like it cool, and he liked it COLD.

I had a job at the campus bakery that started at 05:00, so I normally would be in bed by 9:30 or 10:00. He had a rich dad, so he came to bed whenever he felt like it. The problem was I would set the air conditioner on low when I went to bed, and Andy would come in later and set it on high. At 4:15 in the morning, I would wake up to a frosty greeting.

Now I grew up in upstate NY, and the reason I went to UM was to avoid frosty mornings. So the fact that I found myself freezing, dancing around on the cold tile floor, trying to dodge snow flakes, quickly lost its appeal to me.

So long Andy.

Turn the clock ahead 30 years. Here I am once again living in Miami, (because I got real sick of being cold). Everything was going great, until my wife started going through menopause. She started experiencing "hot flashes". I really don't understand why they call them "flashes" because she is always having one! They really aren't "hot moments" either. Let just call them "hot, four years and running, never ending periods" of her life.

So here I am, with a room air conditioner in my bedroom, cranked to high, every night. I still have to work at 05:00, But since the commute is 26 miles, I now get to dance around on cold tiles, and avoid snow flakes at 3:15.

Even worse is when I come out of my hot shower, when I have to hop around like a Mexican jumping bean, to try to keep warm as I get dressed. What a funny "America's Funniest Home Videos" segment that would make! (Except that I'm naked)

I'm thinking Andy wasn't so bad after all, at least he never nagged me.

Gambling Women

Can anyone tell me, what is with women and gambling?

I am not talking about just any gambling either, I am talking about slot machines. Women are drawn to slot machines like moths to a flame. Just like those proverbial moths, almost all of the women get burned by these things. It doesn't matter. No many how many times they have lost their asses playing these stupid games, they still salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs whenever they hear the bells, and see the lights of slot machines.

Here in Miami and most of the US, gambling has run rampant. There are several large casinos in our area, and most of the bars have slot machines also. You can walk into any of these places and see women lined up like lemmings waiting to dive off the cliff of their financial solvency. They will sit there for hours, (or until their money runs out) staring into the screens of these money robbing machines. These slot machines must be using some kind of subliminal programming to suck these women in because they all sit staring straight ahead as if they were in a trance.

My wife is one of these people. I keep hearing her say "I'm going to save money for a vacation, or new furniture etc." then the next thing I know she has run off to the casino and donated all of her money to those nice Indians. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

To my wife, and all of the other dumb women out there hooked on these machines, I have one thing I want to say. Since you like to pull on the handle so much, I have a handle you can pull on!

Pull on this!

If you pull it enough there is a 100% chance of a pay out.

Hell, you don't even have to give me your money.

Translating "Woman's Speak"

There have been many books written throughout the years about the differences between men and women. They all extol their reasons for the apparent differences between the sexes. Men are from this planet, while women come from another; women are emotional in nature, while men are rooted in the mental realm etc.

As a guy who has been studying the female of the species for over thirty years, I have found the major difference between the sexes. Women speak a different language than men. It sounds simple but that is the major difference between the sexes.

For the male readers out there who have not mastered “woman speak” I will list a number of woman speak phrases, and then translate them for you. It is my hope that I may be able to spare many of my fellow guys any more angst than they have already been through.

1) “I like love handles on a guy. It gives me something to hold on to.”

Translation: I would love you to have the abs, and butt of Brad Pitt, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

2) “You’re kind of cute”

Translation: I have my beer goggles on, I haven’t had a man in six months, it’s getting late, and I’m actually considering you.

3) “I have a headache”

Translation: It is always about YOU. Where were you last Friday when I was in the mood and you got too drunk to perform!

4) “Sorry I didn’t get you a birthday card, but I am not a card person”

Translation: I am not into giving cards, however you better remember to give me a card on every special holiday, event, and Valentines Day; or I will rag on you for two weeks after the missed event, and for two weeks prior to next year’s.

5) “Do I look fat in this?”

Translation: I want you to tell me how thin, and sexy I still am.

6) “She has fake boobs!”

Translation: Why are you looking at her?!

7) “I normally don’t do this”

Translation: You are going to get lucky tonight.

8) “If you touch that air conditioner, I will kill you!”

Translation: I am having a hot flash, and I will kill you if you try to turn down the air conditioner.

9) “I don’t feel like sex tonight”

Translation: I want you to take me to dinner, a movie, and out for a couple of drinks; maybe I’ll change my mind.

10) “I think I am a very level headed woman”

Translation: I am crazier than a shit house rat, and I make Amy Winehouse look like Mother Teresa.

11) “Tequila makes my clothes fall off”

Translation: If you want any action tonight, buy me a tequila!

12) “I don't think you appreciate me”

Translation: Wine me, and dine me, you slug!

I am currently working on my Guy to Lady; and Lady to Guy dictionary. I know this will be a very valuable tool for both sexes.

Gambling Women

Can anyone tell me, what is with women and gambling?

I am not talking about just any gambling either, I am talking about slot machines. Women are drawn to slot machines like moths to a flame. Just like those proverbial moths, almost all of the women get burned by these things. It doesn't matter. No many how many times they have lost their asses playing these stupid games, they still salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs whenever they hear the bells, and see the lights of slot machines.

Here in Miami and most of the US, gambling has run rampant. There are several large casinos in our area, and most of the bars have slot machines also. You can walk into any of these places and see women lined up like lemmings waiting to dive off the cliff of their financial solvency. They will sit there for hours, (or until their money runs out) staring into the screens of these money robbing machines. These slot machines must be using some kind of subliminal programming to suck these women in because they all sit staring straight ahead as if they were in a trance.

My wife is one of these people. I keep hearing her say "I'm going to save money for a vacation, or new furniture etc." then the next thing I know she has run off to the casino and donated all of her money to those nice Indians. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

To my wife, and all of the other dumb women out there hooked on these machines, I have one thing I want to say. Since you like to pull on the handle so much, I have a handle you can pull on!

Pull on this!

If you pull it enough there is a 100% chance of a pay out.

Hell, you don't even have to give me your money.

Gambling Women

Can anyone tell me, what is with women and gambling? I am not talking about just any gambling either, I am talking about slot machines. Women are drawn to slot machines like moths to a flame. Just like those proverbial moths, almost all of the women get burned by these things. It doesn't matter. No many how many times they have lost their asses playing these stupid games, they still salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs whenever they hear the bells, and see the lights of slot machines.



Here in Miami and South Florida gambling has run rampant. There are several large casinos in the area, and most of the bars have slot machines also. You can walk into any of these places and see women lined up like lemmings waiting to dive off the cliff of their financial solvency. They will sit there for hours, (or until their money runs out) staring into the screens of these money robbing machines. Slot machines must be using some kind of subliminal programming to suck these women in because they all sit staring straight ahead as if they were in a trance.

My wife is one of these people. I keep hearing her say "I'm going to save money for a vacation, or new furniture etc." then the next thing I know she has run off to the casino and donated all of her money to those nice Indians. It just doesn't make any sense to me.


To my wife, and all of the other dumb broads out there hooked on these machines, I have one thing I want to say. Since you like to pull on the handle so much, I have a handle you can pull on! Pull on this! If you pull it enough there is a 100% chance of a pay out.


Hell you don't even have to pay me.

Gambling Women

Can anyone tell me, what is with women and gambling?  I am not talking about just any gambling either, I am talking about slot machines.  Women are drawn to slot machines like moths to a flame.  Just like those proverbial moths, almost all of the women get burned by these things.  It doesn't matter.  No many how many times they have lost their asses playing these stupid games, they still salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs whenever they hear the bells, and see the lights of slot machines.


Here in Miami and South Florida gambling has run rampant.  There are several large casinos in the area, and most of the bars have slot machines also. You can walk into any of these places and see women lined up like lemmings waiting to dive off the cliff of their financial solvency.  They will sit there for hours, (or until their money runs out) staring into the screens of these money robbing machines.  Slot machines must be using some kind of subliminal programming to suck these women in because they all sit staring straight ahead as if they were in a trance.


My wife is one of these people.  I keep hearing her say "I'm going to save money for a vacation, or new furniture etc." then the next thing I know she has run off to the casino and donated all of her money to those nice Indians.  It just doesn't make any sense to me.


To my wife, and all of the other dumb broads out there hooked on these machines, I have one thing I want to say.  Since you like to pull on the handle so much, I have a handle you can pull!  Pull on this!  If you pull it enough there is a 100% chance of a pay out.


Hell, you don't even have to give me your money.