Bad Intentions

I love American football. I also love Australian rules football, but that's another subject. Today I want to tell you why I love football(American style).

I played when I was younger,and there is no adrenaline rush quite like football. Running around, causing mayhem on defense, giving out punishing blows when on offense, and otherwise throwing your body around for the sake of the team.

My dad taught me young,"play with bad intentions, football is no place for nice guys". And that is what's so cool about football, there are two teams, each with eleven guys, who are trying to knock the snot out of each other.

Sure there are rules that prohibit some actions, but believe me, you can really do some punishing within the rules. Since everyone is trying to lambaste someone else, sooner or later you will end up the lambastee. Not as much fun as being the lambaster. But that's football and that's why its so great; each guy knows he will either be the punisher, or get punished, each snap of the ball.

This is not for sissies, or soccer players. It takes wackos to play football. No truly sane individuals will do this to themselves. But, if you are just wacky enough, there is nothing like it.

Now a days, I am an old fart who coaches pro and college games from an easy chair on the porch. Well, I act like I'm coaching; yelling out instructions to my team on every snap. I am so intense that I have to keep a six pack in my frig. just so I don't lose my voice. I have to learn to lighten up.

This weekend, the Oakland Raiders lost (again).

Right now I have some very bad intentions for my TV.

The Lifetime Movie Network

Well, its finally here! Football season is upon us. It has been a very long lonely time since the NFL draft. You see, I am addicted to football. I don't even play fantasy football, (that would make me a geek) but I am NFL ready 24-7.

I know there are many people out there sighing to themselves (all women). "His poor wife, how can he neglect her so!?" F#&k them I say!  Truth be told, she has her own monkey on her back; she is addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network (LMN).

I know there are many people out there (all men) saying "My God! No one should have to put up with that kind of torture!" It's true. Give me water-boarding! Put bamboo shoots up my fingernails! Anything but more LMN!

I have personally seen every movie on that channel at least three times (I have to put up with LMN to get any nookie). Imagine how many times she has seen them? Yet she watches religiously every day. Believe it or not.

I'm thinking of shooting an e-mail to the FCC to check on the possible use of subliminal programming on LMN. She watches that channel as if she were in a trance.

The worst part of this whole story, is that our bedroom TV is her TV (mine is on the back patio) so I have to listen to this crap all night long!

I don't want to even consider the damage being done, to my subconscious.

Football anyone?

The Lifetime Movie Network

Well, its finally here! Football season is upon us. It has been a very long lonely time since the NFL draft. You see, I am addicted to football. I don't even play fantasy football, (that would make me a geek) but I am NFL ready 24-7.

I know there are many people out there sighing to themselves (all women). "His poor wife, how can he neglect her so!?" F' them I say! Truth be told, she has her own monkey on her back; she is addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network (LMN).

I know there are many people out there (all men) saying "My God! No one should have to put up with that kind of torture!" It's true. Give me water-boarding! Put bamboo shoots up my fingernails! Anything but more LMN!

I have personally seen every movie on that channel at least three times (I have to put up with LMN to get any nookie). Imagine how many times she has seen them? Yet she watches religiously every day. Believe it or not.

I'm thinking of shooting an e-mail to the FCC to check on the possible use of subliminal programming on LMN. She watches that channel as if she were in a trance.

The worst part of this whole story, is that our bedroom TV is her TV (mine is on the back patio) so I have to listen to this crap all night long!

I don't want to even consider the damage being done, to my subconscious.

Football anyone?

On the Bright Side Of the Road

It’s finally here! I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Is it my anniversary? No. Is it my birthday? No. Is it the anniversary of my first divorce? Close, but no. Tomorrow is the N.F.L. draft. This is like Christmas in April every year for me, and other deranged draft-niks.

Believe it or not I have been preparing for tomorrow since late December. After the NFL Super Bowl ended, I have been concentrating even more on the draft.

Why do I do this?  I don't know. But my wife learned very early in our relationship not to bother me on draft weekend. She has conveniently scheduled herself to work this week end. Good girl!

I can't help it. You see there has been NO football since the Super bowl, and I need a fix on football so bad it would make Amy Winehouse blush.

I have bought three or four of the top draft publications, and I have been watching “Path to the Draft” on the NFL Network every night (sometimes twice!) to prepare for the draft. This last week I have doubled my draft watching, as I prepare for this draft weekend..

At this point you might be asking yourself “Is he a football personnel guy?”  No.  “Is he a team General Manager?”  No.

 I simply need to get myself ready to help my team (The Oakland Raiders) put together a good draft. It’s not like they are going to call me and consult me on which player they should take; but I wish they would, because I would have the answer for them. Instead I am just going to sit in front of my TV for two days, drink beer, and wear my Raider’s hat proudly as I watch my team pick the guys who are going to take us to the Super Bowl this year. (Right!) This year I’m walking the path to the draft, and the Raider’s are on the bright side of that road.

I do know that I am a geek, and that most of you folks think I am a few bricks short of a full load. You are right. I just want to tell you that I am not alone. NFL Draft day is the highest rated day of the year for ESPN, and every year it gets bigger.

If it keeps getting bigger each year, it won’t be long before we will have NFL games fifty two weeks of the year.

My wife will NOT be happy.

Playing Big

I was the middle of three sons. We were all one year apart. We were a constant pain in the butt for my parents. Because we were only a year apart in age, we were always competing. Competing with each other (meaning we fought a lot), and competing together against the neighborhood kids.

We kids would get together almost everyday after school to play the “sport du jour”. This means we would play what sport was in season at the time. Summertime we would play baseball everyday, autumn, we would play football everyday, and winter meant we played hockey every day.

There was one problem, the neighborhood kids we played against were two years older than me! (Let’s see, some quick math; that meant they were one year older than my older brother Albert, and three years older than my younger brother Steve.)

Needless to say, we got our asses kicked every day.

We really didn't care, we just wanted to play; winning or losing was secondary to playing. We knew that they were older and better players.

In reality, what happened, we became very good at playing kids our own age!

My brother Steve and I were the smallest starting players on our Pop Warner football team. We were tenacious I tell you. Well, we were tough and used to getting beat upon by bigger players.

If there is a moral to this story it is this; if you want to be really good at something, play against folks who are better than you. You may get your head kicked in a lot, but you will improve as a player.

This is true whether you are talking about ping-pong, bowling, golf, tennis, chess, poker, bridge, running, etc. etc.

When you get used to competing with people better than you, you raise your game.

Your other friends will notice.

Bad Intentions

I love American football. I also love Australian rules football, but that's another subject. Today I want to tell you why I love football (American style).

I played when I was younger,and there is no adrenaline rush quite like football. Running around, causing mayhem on defense, giving out punishing blows when on offense, and otherwise throwing your body around for the sake of the team.

My dad taught me young,"play with bad intentions, football is no place for nice guys". And that is what's so cool about football, there are two teams, each with eleven guys, who are trying to knock the snot out of each other.

Sure there are rules that prohibit some actions, but believe me, you can really do some punishing within the rules. Since everyone is trying to lambaste someone else, sooner or later you will end up the lambastee. Not as much fun as being the lambaster. But that's football and that's why its so great; each guy knows he will either be the punisher, or get punished, each snap of the ball.

This is not for sissies, or soccer players. It takes wackos to play football. No truly sane individuals will do this to themselves. But, if you are just wacky enough, there is nothing like it.

Now a days, I am an old fart who coaches pro and college games from an easy chair on the porch. Well, I act like I'm coaching; yelling out instructions to my team on every snap. I am so intense that I have to keep a six pack in my frig. just so I don't lose my voice. I have to learn to lighten up.

This weekend, both the Miami Hurricanes, and the Oakland Raiders lost.

Right now I have some very bad intentions for my TV.

The Lifetime Movie Network

Well, its finally here! Football season is upon us. It has been a very long lonely time since the NFL draft. You see, I am addicted to football. I don't even play fantasy football, (that would make me a geek) but I am NFL ready 24-7.

I know there are many people out there sighing to themselves (all women). "His poor wife, how can he neglect her so!?" F' them I say!  Truth be told, she has her own monkey on her back; she is addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network (LMN).

I know there are many people out there (all men) saying "My God! No one should have to put up with that kind of torture!"  It's true. Give me water-boarding! Put bamboo shoots up my fingernails! Anything but more LMN!

I have personally seen every movie on that channel at least three times (I have to put up with LMN to get any nookie). Imagine how many times she has seen them? Yet she watches religiously every day. Believe it or not.
I'm thinking of shooting an e-mail to the FCC to check on the possible use of subliminal programming on LMN. She watches that channel as if she were in a trance.

The worst part of this whole story, is that our bedroom TV is her TV (mine is on the back patio) so I have to listen to this crap all night long! 

I don't want to even consider the damage being done to my subconscious.

Football anyone?

Sliding Down the Razor Blade of Life

When I was a young lad, my life was one game after another; not figuratively, but literally. During the baseball season my friends, and brothers, and I, played baseball everyday. During football season, we played football, and during the winter we played hockey. It was a great childhood. When I got older, I played sports in high school. I wrestled, played football, ran track and cross country, and even lettered in golf. Those were good years also.

When I went to college I still played some inter-mural sports, but because I was paying my own way through school, I also had to work. My sports career ended on a bad note, when during a co-ed broom ball game, I caught a broom stick in the mouth by a girl who didn't know you can't throw high sticks. With two real teeth less than before, I started my working career full time.

Life has been kind of down hill ever since. Not that it has been all bad, I've raised two great kids; but now I have to face the pressures of being a grownup...everyday. My life is like a pinball machine, I bounce from one challenge, to another, to another, ad infinitum. As soon as I fix one problem, sure enough, another one comes along to take its place. I seek a respite, a break in the action, but I'm too old to play anything except cards and my TV remote.

Fortunately, I have two outlets to help me stay young in body and mind. I still run, (not as much as before 9/11, when I could put five miles in during lunch time, until airport security got too restrictive); and I still log between 12-20 miles a week. I also write a blog. Between thinking about what the hell I'm going to write about, and thinking about what the hell I'm actually writing, its a great way to get my mind off today's problems.

Well, Doc, I see my time's about up. Time to get off your couch until our next session. Thanks for listening to me, I'll see you in a couple of days.

On The Bright Side Of the Road

It’s finally here! I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Is it my anniversary? No. Is it my birthday? No. Is it the anniversary of my first divorce? Close, but no. Tomorrow is the N.F.L. draft. This is like Christmas in April every year for me, and other deranged draftniks.

Believe it or not I have been preparing for tomorrow since late December. After the NFL Super Bowl ended, I have been concentrating even more on the draft.

Why do I do this? I don’t know. But my wife learned very early in our relationship not to bother me on draft weekend. She has conveniently scheduled herself to work this week end. Good girl!

I can’t help it. You see there has been NO football since the Super bowl, and I need a fix on football so bad it would make Amy Winehouse blush.

I have bought three or four of the top draft publications, and I have been watching “Path to the Draft” on the NFL Network every night (sometimes twice!) to prepare for the draft. This last week I have doubled my draft watching, as I prepare for this weekend.

At this point you might be asking yourself “Is he a football personnel guy?” No. “Is he a team General Manager?” No. I simply need to get myself ready to help my team (The Oakland Raiders) put together a good draft. It’s not like they are going to call me and consult me on which player they should take; but I wish they would, because I would have the answer for them. Instead I am just going to sit in front of my TV for two days, drink beer, and wear my Raider’s hat proudly as I watch my team pick the guys who are going to take us to the Super Bowl this year. (Right!) This year I’m walking the path to the draft, and the Raider’s are on the bright side of that road.

I do know that I am a geek, and that most of you folks think I am a few bricks short of a full load. You are right. I just want to tell you that I am not alone. NFL Draft day is the highest rated day of the year for ESPN, and every year it gets bigger. If it keeps getting bigger each year, it won’t be long before we will have NFL games fifty two weeks of the year.

My wife will NOT be happy.

The BCS is BS

How would you like it if you were a gourmand, seated at a five-star restaurant...you just had a marvelous appetizer, and were ready to order your entrée, when the waiter told you they just closed the kitchen for the night? You would probably not be very happy, and you would certainly be unfulfilled.

This is how all Division I college football fans feel (unless you are a Florida Gators fan). The BCS (Bowl Championship Sh*t) games over the last week were generally interesting -- sometimes very exciting -- contests, but they don’t mean a thing. However, if they were the quarter-finals of the National Championship Tournament, they would have great meaning.

After the BCS games we now have four teams that could argue they are the National Champs: Florida (13-1), Southern California (12-1), Texas (13-1), and undefeated Utah (13-0). All four are arguably great teams, but which one is the best? We will never know. That’s because the Einsteins who govern the NCAA decided that every sport, in every division, can have a playoff to determine its champion, except the most important -- Division I. In Division I, they let some computers, some voodoo doctors, and someone to be named later, decide which teams play for the mythical National Championship. And to hell with the other six legitimate teams.

It doesn’t make any sense to any real football fan. It doesn’t make any sense to anybody with an IQ over 80. It just plain doesn’t make any sense at all. But the NCAA, and the college presidents (who presumably are intelligent people), steadfastly refuse to have a playoff.

It would not be hard to do, and it would not affect the Bowl system as we know it:

1. Reduce the number of regular season games by one
2. Have all conferences decide their champion with a Championship game
3. Play all the minor Bowl games between December 1-14
4. Have the top eight teams playoff in a seeded format during the next three weeks, using all the major Bowls. Simply rotate which Bowl games will host the semi-finals, and the final, games each year.
   

I know that I would love to see if Utah could knock off Southern Cal and Florida, the way they did Alabama (who was No. 1 practically all year). It is a shame that we will never know which of these deserving teams is truly No.1.
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