Santa Redneck Is Coming To Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks.

They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's, don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone.

These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race.

Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up."

Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here.

"Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

Santa Redneck Is Coming To Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks.

They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's, don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone.

These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race.

Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up."

Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here.

"Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

Santa Redneck Is Coming To Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santas come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santas, don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bartending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone. These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race. Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up." Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here. "Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

Santa Redneck Is Coming To Town

 

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's, don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

 

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

 

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone.

 

These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

 

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race.

 

Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up."

 

Sheer excitement!

 

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here.

 

"Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew?  Its good to see yew agin!  Did yew bring your sister?"

Santa Redneck Is Coming To Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's, don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone.

These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race.

Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up."

Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here.

"Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew?  Its good to see yew agin!  Did yew bring your sister?"

Santa Redneck Is Coming To Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's, don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone.

These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race.

Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up."

Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here.

"Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

I Am an A-hole

I am evil. I know I am evil, but I can’t help it. In fact I take a fiendish glee in being evil. I wasn’t always evil; it just came upon me about eight years ago. That’s when I moved from the frozen tundra of Rochester, NY, and relocated in Miami, FL.


I remember my last day working at the airport up in Rochester, it was 5 degrees, and colder than a witch’s left bosom. In fact, the last two months I worked there, were the coldest I could remember. I really didn’t want to leave my family, and friends, but, I was forced to travel to new horizons, in order to keep my job of twenty years.


Three days later, from the back of my friend, Tom’s boat, harbored in the Florida Keys, I discovered my evilness. It was a beautiful evening, about 70 degrees, with a gorgeous sunset off to the west. I was nursing my sixth or seventh cold brew, when I got a call from my step son on my cell phone. He told me that it was a minus 4 degrees, and snowing like a bastard up in Rochester. That’s when I turned evil. I couldn’t help but to tell him how warm, and beautiful it was in my neck of the woods. Just to hear him tell me to go f#&k off made me feel really good. I realized that I took extreme pleasure, in pissing him off about how nice it was to live in paradise. In fact I took pleasure in pissing off everybody from up north about it.


Sometimes I would just causally mention, how it was 82, and sunny; after they told me they just got 15 inches of snow, other times I would complain that we were going through a cold spell, and we would hit a low of 55, with only a high temperature of 72, just to hear the responses I would get from them. There is something about living in paradise that brings out the a-hole in a guy.


If you life up north, and want to bring out your inner a-holeness, I have a guest room. Give me a call.


Did I mention that we are going through a cold spell? It is supposed to get down to 60 degrees tonight. I better put on my flannel pj's tonight! Brrrr

Santa Redneck is Coming to Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santa's come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santa's don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.
My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last seven years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone. These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race. Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up." Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here. "Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

Santa Red Neck Is Coming to Town

Christmas comes early each year to our normally quiet community here in Homestead, Florida. Santas come by the droves, not in sleighs, but in RVs, and campers, and pick-up trucks. They come here each year to watch the last NASCAR race of the year; the one that decides the NASCAR champion, The Homestead-Miami Ford 400. These Santas don't come with a bag of presents, but with pockets full of cash. It is a welcome influx of cash for the hotels, shops, trailer parks, and bars of Homestead, and Florida City.

My wife, who tends a bar in Florida City, looks forward to this big three day party every year. After bar tending here the last five years, she knows that these folks love to drink, party, and lavish her with piles of dough; and there are few things she likes more than making lots of money.

The average NASCAR fan won't win many Nobel Prizes, or even spelling bees in their lifetime; but they remember her little bar, and they even remember her name, so it is like a big reunion for everyone. These folks may be a little grubby, and their smiles remind you of a gap toothed jack-o-lantern; but they are usually well behaved, and very generous. Just be sure that you have countless cases of ice cold Coors Light, Budweiser, and Jack Daniels, on hand.

With all the drinking going on, it is a wonder to me how they can even find the race track, let alone keep track of how many left turns their favorite driver Billy Bob Kyle has successfully negotiated but, they do. In fact, they really get into the race. Many of them rent out head sets so they can listen in on the communication going back and forth from the pit crew chief, and the driver. Crackle, static "hey, that was a real impressive left turn yew made back there, Jimmy Joe Don, now be careful, 'cus yew got another one coming up right quick" Crackle, pop "yeah Benny Earl Ray, the car's running real smooth right now, hold on, gotta another one of them left turns coming up." Sheer excitement!

I'm not really big on NASCAR racing; just five minutes of watching these guys going around in circles puts me in a trance. But, as long as they keep coming down here every year with pockets full of cash, we'll be glad to welcome them here. "Hey, Kenny Jeb Kirk, how the hell are yew? Its good to see yew agin! Did yew bring your sister?"

This article is from my blog "Mike's Common Sense". My blog is a common person's perspective on a variety of subjects; Spirituality, humor. life, and politics.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Muehleisen