I Can't Abide 55!

Today is my 62nd birthday. I wrote this rather humorous piece for my 55th, and republish it every year because it's still true.

I came into this world at exactly 4:00 am on the eighth of September, 1955. Some quick math tells me that I am going to be double nickles this year. Noooooo. I am very happy to be alive, but I can't find one good thing about turning 55. Where has all the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that I shed a tear at turning 20. I still feel the same as I did back then, but one quick look in the full length mirror (a quick look is all I can handle), tells me all I need to know.

Here is my Top Ten List of why it sucks to be 55.

10) I'm too young to retire, but too old to pick up hotties.

9) My physique used to resemble a "V". It still does, but now it is inverted.

8) I am starting to get ads in the mail for burial plots.

7) Cougars are not interested in me.

6) Social Security will be gone by the time I reach 62.

5) I am paying attention to Viagra ads.

4) Even my wife needs to be bribed to go to bed with me.

3) I see people my age and think "he's an old fuck".

2) I'm thinking of dumping my Ford Escape for a Ferrari.

And the number one reason it sucks to be 55, the only time I make women wet, is when I make them laugh, or sneeze.