I Am Man, Hear Me Whine

Back in the early '70s, Helen Reddy had a hit song called, "I Am Woman", in which she starts out, "I am woman, hear me roar", which I thought was hokey, and all. I still do. But now that I am older, I realize that she was right. Women do all the roaring, while us guys do all the whining.

I should know. I am a man.

Why do men whine? I don't know, but I believe it has something to do with the male DNA. I remember when I was nine, and my mom wouldn't let me go over to Doug's house because his parent's both worked, and we may get into trouble. I'd say, "Come on, Mom, I'll be good!" It didn't work. When I was fourteen, I asked my dad if I could go to Woodstock. After a few seconds of contemplation he said, "No, you're too young." I responded, "Dad, I'm almost fifteen. Please let me go!" Unfortunately, it still didn't work.

Almost forty years later, I still whine when I don't get my way -- and it still doesn't work. You would think that I would adjust, change my game plan, so to speak. But no, I'm not that smart. You see, I am married. You ladies can laugh (which I know you are), but how else can a guy get his needs met?

"Honey, I have no clean shirts for work tomorrow." "Why didn't anyone make coffee this morning?" "C'mon, honey, it's Monday night!" "I have no cookies for bedtime!" "Your Lifetime Movie channel is turned up too loud!"

If whining were an art form, I'd be Picasso. The truth is, I whine because it does work (once in a while).

She'll do almost anything to get me to shut up.