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This post was originally published in Jan. 2009 in an alternate universe.  It is back for your enjoyment.






This comes as no big surprise to many people, but George W. Bush is a lame duck President. This is no surprise, because over 70% of Americans feel he was a pretty lame President. Personally, I never thought I would ever see a President as bad as Jimmy Carter, but after living through eight long years with Bush at the helm of our nation, the Carter years seem like a Hawaiian vacation -- at a five-star hotel, with your own personal hula girls, unlimited mai-tais, a personal yacht with scuba gear, and all the roasted pig and poi you can eat. God, I long for those good old days!

With two months left in office, President Bush decided to take action...putting his memoirs together.

Seems ole George remembers the huge payday Bill Clinton received for publishing his uncensored biography, and now he wants to cash in. However, there's a problem. With the exception of billionaires and religious zealots, George is universally detested. He can't find a publisher willing to give him the big money that Bill, or Hillary got. Hell, he can't tell us about getting illicit blow jobs in the Oval Office, or how he inserted cigars into certain orifices of White House pages. Not only is he dumber than a box of cotton balls, he is also as dull. 


 So, while George is trying to secure a publisher for these memoirs, I thought I would help him with a title for his book.

1. The Fleecing of America
2. I Was Only Kidding About WMDs
3. My Eight Years of Being a F-Stick
4. What, Me Worry?
5. Not All Oil Barons are Assholes
6. The Constitution is for Sissies
7. Read My Lips
8. How To Turn a Super Power Into a Laughing Stock
9. It Was Good For Me, How About You?
10. Be Glad It Was Me, and Not Chaney
11. I Only Look Dumb
12. Being President Is Better Money Than Owning the Texas Rangers