I am evil. I know I am evil, but I can’t help it. In fact I take a fiendish glee in being evil. I wasn’t always evil; it just came upon me about six years ago. That’s when I moved from the frozen tundra of Rochester, NY, and relocated in Miami, FL.
I remember my last day working at the airport up in Rochester, it was 5 degrees, and colder than a witch’s left bosom. In fact, the last two months I worked there, were the coldest I could remember. I really didn’t want to leave my family, and friends, but, I was forced to travel to new horizons, in order to keep my job of twenty years.
Three days later, from the back of my friend, Tom’s boat, harbored in the Florida Keys, I discovered my evilness. It was a beautiful evening, about 70 degrees, with a gorgeous sunset off to the west. I was nursing my sixth or seventh cold brew, when I got a call from my step son on my cell phone. He told me that it was a minus 4 degrees, and snowing like a bastard up in Rochester. That’s when I turned evil. I couldn’t help but to tell him how warm, and beautiful it was in my neck of the woods. Just to hear him tell me to go f#&k off made me feel really good. I realized that I took extreme pleasure, in pissing him off about how nice it was to live in paradise. In fact I took pleasure in pissing off everybody from up north about it.
Sometimes I would just causally mention, how it was 82, and sunny; after they told me they just got 15 inches of snow, other times I would complain that we were going through a cold spell, and we would hit a low of 55, with only a high temperature of 72, just to hear the responses I would get from them. There is something about living in paradise that brings out the a-hole in a guy.
If you life up north, and want to bring out your inner a-holeness, I have a guest room. Give me a call.
Did I mention we are going through a cold spell? It got down to 52 last night! Brrrr. I’m going to put on my flannel pj’s tonight.
2 comments:
Michael, you are correct! You are most definitely an A-Hole! It sure is NOT nice when you tell us that you are on your porch smoking a cigar when we are up here freezing our butts off and dealing with the snow. I will make sure that Mom does NOT make any of your favorite meals when you come home in March. Yup, Revenge is Sweet!!! By the way I love you any way! P.
Accually I first noticed it at about age 4-5!
Some how my vision of paradise does not include bugs the size of small cats, sun so direct the afternoons are only spent in AC, poisonous snakes, and being the only english speaking person on my block.
I'm an A hole too!
SJM
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