My Life Would Have Been Better, If Only...

As you get older you realize that maybe, just maybe, you should have actually listened to some of the advice you received when you were younger.

I know I am not alone. We all thought we knew it all when we were seniors in high school, when we were seniors in college, when we turned thirty, when we turned forty…etc. It is human nature to think you know it all, and it is definitely a part of growing up. Oh, to think how much better my life would have been, If only….

If only I had listened to my dad. He once told me; “Son, I love you and want you to be happy. Don’t ever get married!” But I never listened to anything that guy told me, I knew it all! Not only did I not listen to him once, but I turned around and did it again! What a dope I am. There are two words that should never be used in the same sentence; happy, and married. These two words are like oil and water, they don’t mix.

If only I had listened to my Grandmother. She told me, “Learn to save your money instead of spending it. You’ll be glad you did one day.” My brother and I both had paper routes when we were growing up. My brother was a saver, and I was a spend thrift. Now, forty years later, after Bush, and Obama, I am nearly broke, and so is he…Never mind!

If only I had listened to Dr. Timothy Leary. “Tune in, turn on, drop out.” I was a child of the 60’s, but never embraced his wisdom. Instead I went to college, worked full time to pay for it, and still ended up with the same job I could have got if I quit school after high school. Think of all the wasted years of partying I missed out on. Well, except for the fact that I partied like John Belushi in Animal House for most of my college career. I had a well rounded college education, I worked, I partied, and I actually learned a few things. (But I don’t remember them).

If only I had listened to the nuns when I was a kid when they told me “You’ll be going to hell one day if you don’t straighten up!” If I had listened to them I would have become a priest, and I would never have got married and lived through hell.

Some day I might learn, but I doubt it. I am now an “old dog