The Dance Of Life

Life is nothing more than one large Arthur Murray Dance School. From the moment we take our first steps as toddlers, we go through life learning new and different steps. The music we dance to is the rhythm of life. With every new situation, relationship, and employer, we have to learn new steps to be successful.

As kindergartners and throughout elementary school we learn the basic steps of how to get along with others, and how to play well with others. As we enter high school we get into more complicated relationships; boyfriends, girlfriends, dating, the steps we learn change and become more complex. We learn that in a relationship sometimes you call the tune, and sometimes the other person will call the tune you both dance to.

As young adults we learn that our employers, and bosses will be calling the tune, and teach us the steps we have to dance to. As we grow and move up the corporate ladder, we learn that we have to follow the tune of our bosses, while calling the tune for our underlings. The dance becomes more complex.

In marriage we often find that the steps that were once so exciting have become routine and boring. To keep a marriage alive and vibrant you have to incorporate new steps from time to time to stay interested, or in time we will find new partners to dance with.

There is an old saying that people hate change, that is true, but they really hate dull and routine even more. Life is all about growth and change, and we reflect that in our dance.

Today life is changing at a pace never seen before by man. Everyday it seems that we have to learn new steps in order to survive. Life is certainly more difficult, but it is definitely not boring.

As for me, I’m dancing as fast as I can.

Real Love

You have heard the old saying that oil, and water, don't mix; and its true. But here is a new one for you; love, and words don't mix. Anyone can say "I love you"; but, does that make it so? Not necessarily. We all probably have had past lovers, that spoke these words, but didn't really mean them. If love can't reliably be shown by words, how can you tell if someone loves you? Simple, by their actions. Love can only truly be shown through demonstration.

What ever the relationship, love is always shown by one's actions. What good would it do for an infant to have it's mother, tell it how much she loves it, without the mother feeding, cuddling, nurturing, and paying attention to it? This is true with any relationship, parent-child, husband-wife, siblings, and our relationship with God.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well, a sincere gesture, or sacrifice, is worth a thousand love poems.

Love, is always a giver, never a taker. Love, does not take offense, and love is patient. Love does not change, even if people do. To love is to care, and to not care if it is reciprocated. True love, is not decided on the whims and desires, for it is eternal.

Everybody wants real love, but how many are ready to give it?

I Said, You Said

Everyone is probably familiar with the phrase "he said, she said", in which a couple is fighting and neither can see anything from the other person's point of view. Each person is so wrapped up in their thoughts, and feelings, that it is impossible to see that each person is correct, and each person is wrong; all at the same time.

This situation is true, not only with inter-sexual relationships, but with all conflicts in general. The reason for this is the inability to empathize outside ourselves. Empathy is the ability, or rather the gift, to be able to put yourself in someone's position, and feel their feelings. It is a sign of higher development in one's spiritual growth.

No one does something without a reason. Empathy is not an agreement with someone else, it is a knowing of where someone else stands and why. It is the ability to understand, and perhaps feel what the other person feels. When both sides of a dispute, or conflict, open themselves to empathize with the other side; resolution is the inevitable ending. This usually comes about in a form of compromise between the two parties.

When there is no attempt, or an inability to empathize, hostility is the inevitable result. In the case of two nations, this means war; in the case of interpersonal relationships this means a divorce, or violence. These are the situations where everybody loses.

Sadly, empathy is not taught in our schools. Most people have to learn it by trial, and error. Some people never learn it.

The next time you find yourself in a dispute, take a time out, and try to see things from the other person's point of view. Chances are, the other person will reciprocate. That's when everybody wins.

The Circle Of Life

You have probably heard the saying, “life is a two way street”. This essentially means that one cannot expect to be on the receiving end of every relationship, all of the time. For any relationship to grow and mature there has to be a balance of giving, and receiving. If there is an imbalance, where one side gives too much, and the other is a glutton, the relationship becomes dysfunctional, and dies.

This need for a balance is true for more than just interpersonal relationships, but is true for life in general. Animals, take in oxygen, and release carbon dioxide. Plants take in Carbon dioxide, and release oxygen. This balance maintains life as we know it here on Earth. All of life is possible because there is a balance on a myriad of different levels. These balances create what I call the circle of life.

In order for each of us, as individuals, as cities, as countries, and as a species, to grow, and remain healthy; we need to be mindful of the need to keep balanced. This balance starts with each of us learning to be balanced from within.

Man is a spiritual being occupying a physical body. The needs of both, need to be taken care of, in order to live a balanced life. Everything is good, but too much of anything is bad. If one spends too much time in meditation, and spiritual contemplation, the vibrational level of the individual gets too high for the body to handle, and madness, and disease is the result. Research the lives of most saints, and you will see this pattern. If one indulges in carnal delights too much, the individual lowers himself to the animal level, and becomes a beast. To be truly balanced, one needs to contemplate on the spiritual, while not depriving the body of its carnal needs.

By maintaining the circle of life within ourselves, we will know how to keep a balance in our interpersonal relationships, our societal relations, and our ecology. No matter the level, imbalance causes, disease, and chaos, while balance is healthy and active.

The Art Of Listening

Last post I talked about a different way to verbalize one's opinions, and needs, in a more effective manner to enhance communication; this post is about completing the communication process, listening.

Communication, is by definition, a give, and TAKE of ideas, and needs.

Too often, when we discuss something, we state our views, then mark time thinking of what we will say next, instead of truly listening to what the other person has to say.

How many times have you been in a group conversation, when everyone is so avid about what they want to say, that the whole conversation turns into a shouting match? We all have something to say, but without the patience to listen, communication breaks down into your average day on "The View".

Between everyone thinking they are right, and the mental clutter going on when you are not talking, it is a wonder anyone can learn anything.

Nobody learns anything by talking, only by listening. All wise people have one thing in common, they are good listeners. Perhaps that is why they are wise, they have mastered the art of listening.

I have another great book for you to check out (I feel like Oprah), its called "The Zen of Listening" by Rebecca Z. Shafir, M.A.CCC. Ms. Shafir goes into detail how one can become a good listener. By mastering the art of listening, you open the door to learning, and you open the door to better relationships. This is true for any relationship, your spouse, your child, your boss, your employee, etc.

As important as it is to express yourself, it is more important to receive what the other person has to say, only then, can you work things out; only then, can you learn and grow together.

Are You Man Enough?

I grew up with two brothers. One was older than me, the other younger. We were all separated by one year intervals, so we grew up fairly close in age. This, of course, meant that we fought…a lot. Being the middle son, it seems that I was always in the middle of one of the fights. My older, and my younger, brothers seldom fought amongst each other.

My dad, knew that boys, would be boys, and he did not interfere with most of our squabbles (unless something got broke, then we all got spanked). But, woe to the child that started something then came running to him for help. His answer to that kid (usually me), was always firm; “If you’re man enough to dish it out, you better be man enough to take it! There is nothing worse than someone who can dish it out, but can’t take it!”

These words are the wisdom by which I live my life. They taught me quite a few things such as: taking responsibility for my actions, empathy for others, and that what ever I did to someone else, I had better be able to take when someone did it to me.

These three things are the cornerstone of our interpersonal relationships. Those who have learned, and follow them, are well adjusted, and normally get along with others. Those who haven’t learned them are maladjusted, and unpopular. Nobody wants to associate with someone who can’t “play well” with others.

We all know some of these “don’t play well with others” type of people. These folks feel that they have Carte Blanche to do, or say, anything they want to others; but are quick to take offense when someone responds in kind to them.

 Perhaps they just don’t realize that their behavior is churlish, and childish. Maybe they just aren’t smart enough to grasp the lessons most others mastered in elementary school.

Maybe they just weren't lucky enough to have a dad like mine.

The Eternal Quest For Strange, and the Silver Platter

There is a lot of hoopla going on about Tiger Woods and his indiscretions. I personally don’t understand what all of this hoopla is about. Face it, Tiger Woods is a rock star; he is rich, handsome, and popular. Tiger is in the enviable position of being able to have any woman he wants…enviable to the average guy anyway. All guys (or at least 99% of them) are on the eternal quest for strange; and ALL guys are susceptible to being offered strange on a silver platter. Considering Tiger’s position he has been rather tame. I know his wife is hurt, but she should talk to the ex-wives of Mick Jagger, and other rock stars; they would be glad to tell her that it all comes with the territory.

Unlike women, men are not used to having members of the opposite sex offer themselves up to them on a silver platter. When a guy has achieved enough money, fame, and looks, that gorgeous women willing throw themselves at him, he is literally like a kid in a candy store. “I’ll have one of these, and two of these at the same time…” you get the point. It takes either a very strong man, or one who is very happy at home to resist this temptation; and few of us are either one.

To all of you ladies out there that has a mate: if you are not making sure he is very happy in the bedroom; you are a fool. Every dog has his day, and one day some woman will offer what he wants on that proverbial silver platter. You can take care of him now, or swear and call him names later when he cheats, or dumps you for another woman. To all of you guys neglecting your mates: you are even bigger fools. If your wife is not happy all she has to do is go to some bar and offer it to some guy on a silver platter; it won’t take long before she finds a taker. You can pay attention to her now, or pay (literally) later.

Let’s face it most of us are weak in the face of temptation. To be strong we need to be smart enough to stay away from places where temptation lurks, and we need to maintain a loving, caring relationship with our mates.

The Eternal Quest For Strange, and the Silver Platter

There is a lot of hoopla going on about Tiger Woods and his indiscretions. I personally don’t understand what all of this hoopla is about. Face it, Tiger Woods is a rock star; he is rich, handsome, and popular. Tiger is in the enviable position of being able to have any woman he wants…enviable to the average guy anyway.

All guys (or at least 99% of them) are on the eternal quest for strange; and ALL guys are susceptible to being offered strange on a silver platter. Considering Tiger’s position he has been rather tame. I know his wife is hurt, but she should talk to the ex-wives of Mick Jagger, and other rock stars; they would be glad to tell her that it all comes with the territory.

Unlike women, men are not used to having members of the opposite sex offer themselves up to them on a silver platter. When a guy has achieved enough money, fame, and looks, that gorgeous women willing throw themselves at him, he is literally like a kid in a candy store. “I’ll have one of these, and two of these at the same time…” you get the point. It takes either a very strong man, or one who is very happy at home to resist this temptation; and few of us are either one.

To all of you ladies out there that has a mate: if you are not making sure he is very happy in the bedroom; you are a fool. Every dog has his day, and one day some woman will offer what he wants on that proverbial silver platter. You can take care of him now, or swear and call him names later when he cheats, or dumps you for another woman.

To all of you guys neglecting your mates: you are even bigger fools. If your wife is not happy all she has to do is go to some bar and offer it to some guy on a silver platter; it won’t take long before she finds a taker. You can pay attention to her now, or pay (literally) later.

Let’s face it most of us are weak in the face of temptation. To be strong we need to be smart enough to stay away from places where temptation lurks, and we need to maintain a loving, caring relationship with our mates.

Are You Man Enough

I grew up with two brothers. One was older than me, the other younger. We were all separated by one year intervals, so we grew up fairly close in age. This, of course, meant that we fought…a lot. Being the middle son, it seems that I was always in the middle of one of the fights. My older, and my younger, brothers seldom fought amongst each other.

My dad, knew that boys, would be boys, and he did not interfere with most of our squabbles (unless something got broke, then we all got spanked). But, woe to the child that started something then came running to him for help. His answer to that kid (usually me), was always firm; “If you’re man enough to dish it out, you better be man enough to take it! There is nothing worse than someone who can dish it out, but can’t take it!”

These words are the wisdom by which I live my life. They taught me quite a few things such as: taking responsibility for my actions, empathy for others, and that what ever I did to someone else, I had better be able to take when someone did it to me.

These three things are the cornerstone of our interpersonal relationships. Those who have learned, and follow them, are well adjusted, and normally get along with others. Those who haven’t learned them are maladjusted, and unpopular. Nobody wants to associate with someone who can’t “play well” with others.

We all know some of these “don’t play well with others” type of people. These folks feel that they have Carte Blanch to do, or say, anything they want to others; but are quick to take offense when someone responds in kind to them. Perhaps they just don’t realize that their behavior is churlish, and childish. Maybe they just aren’t smart enough to grasp the lessons most others mastered in elementary school.

Perhaps they weren't lucky enough to have a dad like mine.

I Said, You Said

Everyone is probably familiar with the phrase "he said, she said", in which a couple is fighting and neither can see anything from the other person's point of view. Each person is so wrapped up in their thoughts, and feelings, that it is impossible to see that each person is correct, and each person is wrong; all at the same time.

This situation is true, not only with inter-sexual relationships, but with all conflicts in general. The reason for this is the inability to empathize outside ourselves. Empathy is the ability, or rather the gift, to be able to put yourself in someone's position, and feel their feelings. It is a sign of higher development in one's spiritual growth.

No one does something without a reason. Empathy is not an agreement with someone else, it is a knowing of where someone else stands and why. It is the ability to understand, and perhaps feel what the other person feels. When both sides of a dispute, or conflict, open themselves to empathize with the other side; resolution is the inevitable ending. This usually comes about in a form of compromise between the two parties.

When there is no attempt, or an inability to empathize, hostility is the inevitable result. In the case of two nations, this means war; in the case of interpersonal relationships this means a divorce, or violence. These are the situations where everybody loses.

Sadly, empathy is not taught in our schools. Most people have to learn it by trial, and error. Some people never learn it. The next time you find yourself in a dispute, take a time out, and try to see things from the other person's point of view. Chances are, the other person will reciprocate. That's when everybody wins.