Translating "Woman's Speak"

There have been many books written throughout the years about the differences between men and women. They all extol their reasons for the apparent differences between the sexes. Men are from this planet, while women come from another; women are emotional in nature, while men are rooted in the mental realm etc.

As a guy who has been studying the female of the species for over thirty years, I have found the major difference between the sexes. Women speak a different language than men. It sounds simple but that is the major difference between the sexes.

For the male readers out there who have not mastered “woman speak” I will list a number of woman speak phrases, and then translate them for you. It is my hope that I may be able to spare many of my fellow guys any more angst than they have already been through.

1) “I like love handles on a guy. It gives me something to hold on to.”

Translation: I would love you to have the abs, and butt of Brad Pitt, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

2) “You’re kind of cute”

Translation: I have my beer goggles on, I haven’t had a man in six months, it’s getting late, and I’m actually considering you.

3) “I have a headache”

Translation: It is always about YOU. Where were you last Friday when I was in the mood and you got too drunk to perform!

4) “Sorry I didn’t get you a birthday card, but I am not a card person”

Translation: I am not into giving cards, however you better remember to give me a card on every special holiday, event, and Valentines Day; or I will rag on you for two weeks after the missed event, and for two weeks prior to next year’s.

5) “Do I look fat in this?”

Translation: I want you to tell me how thin, and sexy I still am.

6) “She has fake boobs!”

Translation: Why are you looking at her?!

7) “I normally don’t do this”

Translation: You are going to get lucky tonight.

8) “If you touch that air conditioner, I will kill you!”

Translation: I am having a hot flash, and I will kill you if you try to turn down the air conditioner.

9) “I don’t feel like sex tonight”

Translation: I want you to take me to dinner, a movie, and out for a couple of drinks; maybe I’ll change my mind.

10) “I think I am a very level headed woman”

Translation: I am crazier than a shit house rat, and I make Amy Winehouse look like Mother Teresa.

11) “Tequila makes my clothes fall off”

Translation: If you want any action tonight, buy me a tequila!

12) “I don't think you appreciate me”

Translation: Wine me, and dine me, you slug!

I am currently working on my Guy to Lady; and Lady to Guy dictionary. I know this will be a very valuable tool for both sexes.

The Art of Listening

Communication is the giving, and receiving of information. This article is about the receiving process, listening. Communication, is by definition, a give, and take of ideas, and needs. Too often, when we discuss something, we state our views, then mark time thinking of what we will say next, instead of truly listening to what the other person has to say.

How many times have you been in a group conversation, when everyone is so avid about what they want to say, that the whole conversation turns into a shouting match? We all have something to say, but without the patience to listen, communication breaks down into your average day on "The View".
Between everyone thinking they are right, and the mental clutter going on when you are not talking, it is a wonder anyone can learn anything.

Nobody learns anything by talking, only by listening. All wise people have one thing in common, they are good listeners. Perhaps that is why they are wise, they have mastered the art of listening.
Here is a great book for you to check out (I feel like Oprah), its called "the Zen of Listening" by Rebecca Z. Shafir, M.A.CCC. Ms. Shafir goes into detail how one can become a good listener. By mastering the art of listening, you open the door to learning, and you open the door to better relationships. This is true for any relationship, your spouse, your child, your boss, your employee, etc.

As important as it is to express yourself, it is more important to receive what the other person has to say, only then, can you work things out; only then, can you learn and grow together.

Communication Breakdown

I am troubled by the hostility I encounter every day. It does not bother me that people are vehement about their beliefs, but rather the way they communicate them to others. The politicians, the editorials, the news channels, the evangelists, even bloggers, don't know how to get their point across without insulting their opposition.

The point of communication is to convey your thoughts, your beliefs, your needs to someone else -- not to convert them or coerce them into your way of reasoning. To berate or threaten those who feel differently will not work in trying to get them to understand your views.

Now, we can talk about tolerance, but the truth is most of us are not tolerant. However, that does not mean we cannot communicate in a nonviolent fashion. After all, it goes to reason that if you can communicate your needs and thoughts without insulting or threatening the listener, you will have a better chance of getting that person to listen, understand, and perhaps agree to your views.

One of the best books I have read in the last ten years is "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion" by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. This book should be required reading for all people, like "Johnny Tremain" was back when I was a kid. OK, little joke there, but every parent, teacher, politician, manager -- anyone who has to interface with other people -- should read this book. It is well written and shows how easy and effective it is to communicate in a nonviolent way.

When communication is nonviolent, it not only conveys to the listener your needs, but also tacitly lets them know that you care about theirs. This is when real communication can take place because it is an exchange of ideas and needs.

Isn't that what communication is all about?

The Art of Listening

Last post I talked about a different way to verbalize one's opinions and needs in a more effective manner, to enhance communication. This post is about completing the communication process, by listening.

Communication is, by definition, a give and take of ideas and needs. Too often when we discuss something, we state our views, then mark time thinking of what we will say next, instead of truly listening to what the other person has to say. How many times have you been in a group conversation when everyone is so avid about what they want to say that the whole conversation turns into a shouting match?

We all have something to say, but without the patience to listen, communication breaks down into your average day on "The View". Between everyone thinking they are right, and the mental clutter going on when you are not talking, it is a wonder anyone can learn anything.

Nobody learns anything by talking -- only by listening. All wise people have one thing in common: they are good listeners. Perhaps that is why they are wise; they have mastered the art of listening.

I have another great book for you to check out (I feel like Oprah). It's called, "The Zen of Listening" by Rebecca Z. Shafir. Ms. Shafir goes into detail how one can become a good listener. By mastering the art of listening you open the door to learning, and you open the door to better relationships. This is true for any relationship -- your spouse, your child, your boss, your employee, etc.

As important as it is to express yourself, it is more important to receive what the other person has to say. Only then can you work things out. Only then can you learn and grow together.
.

Communication Breakdown

I am troubled by the hostility I encounter every day. It does not bother me that people are vehement about their beliefs, but rather the way they communicate them to others. The politicians, the editorials, the news channels, the evangelists, even bloggers, don't know how to get their point across without insulting their opposition.

The point of communication is to convey your thoughts, your beliefs, your needs to someone else -- not to convert them or coerce them into your way of reasoning. To berate or threaten those who feel differently will not work in trying to get them to understand your views.

Now, we can talk about tolerance, but the truth is most of us are not tolerant. However, that does not mean we cannot communicate in a nonviolent fashion. After all, it goes to reason that if you can communicate your needs and thoughts without insulting or threatening the listener, you will have a better chance of getting that person to listen, understand, and perhaps agree to your views.

One of the best books I have read in the last ten years is "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion" by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. This book should be required reading for all people, like "Johnny Tremain" was back when I was a kid. OK, little joke there, but every parent, teacher, politician, manager -- anyone who has to interface with other people -- should read this book. It is well written and shows how easy and effective it is to communicate in a nonviolent way.

When communication is nonviolent, it not only conveys to the listener your needs, but also tacitly lets them know that you care about theirs. This is when real communication can take place because it is an exchange of ideas and needs.

Isn't that what communication is all about?
.