I grew up in a family of five kids. Albert, was the oldest, followed closely (ten months), by me. The fact that we were so close of age is probably what led to his downfall. Albert was really a pretty good brother, especially as big brothers go. However he had committed a sin for which I could never forgive him. He was born before me. I was always a motivated individual, and a schemer. Albert was overweight, and pretty laid back. He was also very gullible. This made him perfect for my schemes.
My best friend Doug's parents both worked during the day, so we often hung out at his place. Doug was the muse for my schemes. One Good Friday, we were off from school, so that meant I was hanging out at Doug's house. Doug said to me "hey, I colored a bunch of Easter eggs." I said "so what?" Then he went on to explain that he colored four raw eggs, besides the hard boiled ones. "I colored all the raw eggs red so I would know which ones they were. But I haven't figured out what to do with them." I said to Doug, "grab two good eggs, and one red egg, and let's walk down to my house and see if Albert is home." Doug said "what ya gonna do?" I said "I don't know but I'll figure out something."
We walked down the street to my house with the eggs. Outside my house,in the side yard, was Albert. The situation was perfect. I walked up to Albert, and said "Albert, Doug and I officially challenge you to an Easter egg eating contest!" Doug then showed Albert the colored eggs. Albert said "ok turkeys! I'll kick your asses!" "Doug officially present Albert with the official Easter egg" I said as officially as I could. Doug handed Albert the red egg. "Albert, these are the official rules to the Easter egg eating contest. On the count of three you will crack the egg on your forehead, shell it, eat it,and the first one to whistle wins. Got it?" Albert said "you turkeys, I'll kick your asses!" Meanwhile Doug is shooting me sideways glances, not believing what was happening.
What happened next was what you would see in some TV sit-com. I counted to three, Albert splattered his red egg all over his face, and I some how managed to elude his grabbing me for the next hour while laughing as hard as I could.
Albert had reached a transcendental state not to be matched until my next nefarious scheme.