Sunday, July 17, 2011

You Have No Events Scheduled For Today

I own one of those "smart phones". This is good, because when it comes to electronics I am kind of dumb. One of the features of my phone is to send me an e-mail alert on any events that I have planned for that day. I never use it. So everyday I get an e-mail alert telling me "You have no events scheduled for today". I like to think that I never use my calendar function because I am extremely intelligent, and have the memory of a bull elephant. I like to tell myself things like this because it is part of my 12 step program. The real reason I never use the calendar function is because I am dull.
I really don't need my "smart phone" to remind me how dull I am each and every day (this is counter productive to my 12 step program). I have decided to make use of this calendar function just so I can be reminded that I do have a life. Here are my daily events:
5:00AM Time to drag your ass out of bed.
5:40AM Leave for work.
6:45AM Remember to punch into work.
3:30PM Remember to punch out and then go home (don't forget to get dog food, and bread on the way home). If working overtime, disregard this message.
8:30PM Remember to punch out and go home. If not working overtime, disregard this message. (don't forget the dog food, and bread)
11:00PM Go to bed. You know you will be cranky tomorrow if you don't get 6 hrs. of sleep. If drinking disregard this notice.
You have events scheduled for today!
12:00AM Go to bed, you need at least 5 hrs. sleep.
1:00AM GO TO BED!!! If already passed out, disregard this notice.
5:00AM Time to drag your ass out of bed.
Wow, I never realized how many things I keep track of on a daily basis! I guess I am intelligent, and have a great memory, and I DO have a life.
Damn! I forgot the dog food and the bread!

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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.