Monday, August 30, 2010

You Have No Events Scheduled For Today

I own one of those "smart phones".  This is good, because when it comes to electronics I am kind of dumb.  One of the features of my phone is to send me an e-mail alert on any events that I have planned for that day.  I never use it.  So everyday I get an e-mail alert telling me "You have no events scheduled for today".  I like to think that I never use my calendar function because I am extremely intelligent, and have the memory of a bull elephant.  I like to tell myself things like this because it is part of my 12 step program.  The real reason I never use the calendar function is because I am dull. 

I really don't need my "smart phone" to remind me how dull I am each and every day (this is counter productive to my 12 step program).  I have decided to make use of this calendar function just so I can be reminded that I do have a life.  Here are my daily events:

5:00AM     Time to drag your ass out of bed.
5:40AM     Leave for work.
6:45AM     Remember to punch into work.
3:30PM     Remember to punch out and then go home (don't forget to get dog food, and bread on the way home).  If working overtime, disregard this message.
8:30PM     Remember to punch out and go home.  If not working overtime, disregard this message.  (don't forget the dog food, and bread)
11:00PM   Go to bed.  You know you will be cranky tomorrow if you don't get 6 hrs.of sleep.  If drinking disregard this notice.

You have events scheduled for today!

12:00AM    Go to bed, you need at least 5 hrs.sleep.  
1:00AM      GO TO BED!!!  If already passed out, disregard this notice.
5:00AM      Time to drag your ass out of bed.

Wow, I never realized how many things I keep track of on a daily basis!  I guess I am intelligent, and have a great memory, and I DO have a life. 

Damn! I forgot the dog food and the bread.

Please read my friend The Queen of WTF, she is very funny, as is all of the royal family.
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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.