Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Magic 8 Ball

I have a special post for you today. Thanks to my pig Wilbur having a temper tantrum today, knocking over a small bureau on my patio, I have been reconnected with my magic 8 ball. You know what I mean don’t you? Yeah, the 8 ball we all played with when we were kids. I love the magic 8 ball; it always has an answer for any question you might ask it.

Knowing that many of you have some burning questions for the magic 8 ball, I thought I would use my superior interrogating skills to get some answers for these popular questions from my magic 8 ball.

1) Oh, magic 8 ball, was ex President Bush a moron, or just a very bad President?    “Most Certainly”
2) Magic 8 ball, Are the N.Y. Mets the biggest choke artists in the world, or just classic under achievers?   “All signs point to yes”
3) Magic 8 ball, is Kim Jong Il of North Korea a mad man, or a puppet of China?    “The way I see it yes”
4) Please tell me magic 8 ball, now that G.M. has received billions of dollars of bail out money, will they still go bankrupt, and take all of our money with them?    “ Very likely”
5) Magic 8 ball, speaking of the people’s bail out of the lending institutions; did the people get a raw deal at the hands of their elected officials?    “Bend over” (I didn’t even know that response was in there!)
6) Magic 8 ball, is President Obama a free thinker, or just a shill for big money, big business?     “Ask again later”
7) Magic 8 ball, judging from the most popular TV shows, are most Americans really stupid, or is the government putting too much fluoride into the drinking water?       "It is certain"”
8) Oh, magic 8 ball, will the large oil companies ever allow the car manufacturers, to make and sell a gasoline-free car?         “Out look not good”
9) Magic 8 ball, will South Florida be hit by a hurricane that will make Andrew look like a summer breeze?            “Better not tell you”
10) Magic 8 ball, how did you feel after my pig Wilbur knocked you and your bureau over today?                 “ Answer hazy”

There you go folks, all of your important questions answered, by my impeccable interview with my magic 8 ball.

By the way, my 8 ball and I are available for private sessions, at a reasonable price.

I am re-posting my book The True Adventures of Wilbur the Pig on my web site. True stories of my life with a pig; it is funny, and it is true.  Check it out.
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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.