Stupid Things

I am dangerous with a knife in my hands. My fingers and other digits cringe in fear whenever I decide I need to cut or slice something. Sometimes, I forget which side of the blade I need to cut with, and which side I need to push down on. Other times I forget to get my fingers out of the way when I close the knife; and other times I just forget that I have a knife in my hand. Fortunately my propensity for doing stupid things with a knife is off set by my ability to heal quickly.

I also do other stupid things, such as lock my keys in the car, leave my head lights on, (thank God for that little buzzer), leave the stove on, lean back on kitchen chairs, and run on wet tile floors. I have down loaded programs that aren't compatible with my version of windows, left my cell phone in my shirt pocket, then bent over to flush the toilet, and lit my back yard gas grill with a match when the gas was on high. My miraculous healing abilities, high endurance of pain, hard head, quick growing eye brows, and the Triple A have helped me recover from some of these.

I have been known to run my mouth without engaging my brain, walk into objects that are in plain sight, light my nose on fire instead of my cigar (I have a big nose), walk into opposing stadiums wearing Oakland Raider's clothes, throw my white clothes in with the colored laundry (I went through college wearing pink underwear), wear sneakers to a dance on a gym floor, and hammer my thumb instead of the nail.

I have done other stupid things like told my wife she looks fat in that dress, microwaved a TV dinner in an aluminum foil tray, tried to rewire a switch without turning off the breaker, bathe my cat, change a light bulb without someone holding the ladder, and forget to put oil in my lawn mower.

We all do stupid things; after all we are only human. I think the only really stupid thing is to do them a second or third time. With the exception of wearing Oakland Raider's gear to opposing stadiums, I do my best to learn from my mistakes.

My guardian angel is busy enough with the mistakes I make the first time around.

On the Bright Side Of the Road

It’s finally here! I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Is it my anniversary? No. Is it my birthday? No. Is it the anniversary of my first divorce? Close, but no. Tomorrow is the N.F.L. draft. This is like Christmas in April every year for me, and other deranged draft-niks.

Believe it or not I have been preparing for tomorrow since late December. After the NFL Super Bowl ended, I have been concentrating even more on the draft.

Why do I do this? I don't know. But my wife learned very early in our relationship not to bother me on draft weekend. She has conveniently scheduled herself to work this week end. Good girl!

I can't help it. You see there has been NO football since the Super bowl, and I need a fix on football so bad it would make Amy Winehouse blush.

I have bought three or four of the top draft publications, and I have been watching “Path to the Draft” on the NFL Network every night (sometimes twice!) to prepare for the draft. This last week I have doubled my draft watching, as I prepare for this draft weekend..

At this point you might be asking yourself “Is he a football personnel guy?” No. “Is he a team General Manager?” No.

I simply need to get myself ready to help my team (The Oakland Raiders) put together a good draft. It’s not like they are going to call me and consult me on which player they should take; but I wish they would, because I would have the answer for them. Instead I am just going to sit in front of my TV for three days, drink beer, and wear my Raider’s hat proudly as I watch my team pick the guys who are going to take us to the Super Bowl this year. (Right!) This year I’m walking the path to the draft, and the Raider’s are on the bright side of that road.

I do know that I am a geek, and that most of you folks think I am a few bricks short of a full load. You are right. I just want to tell you that I am not alone. NFL Draft day is the highest rated day of the year for ESPN, and every year it gets bigger.

If it keeps getting bigger each year, it won’t be long before we will have NFL games fifty two weeks of the year.

My wife will NOT be happy.

Stupid Things

I am dangerous with a knife in my hands. My fingers and other digits cringe in fear whenever I decide I need to cut or slice something. Sometimes, I forget which side of the blade I need to cut with, and which side I need to push down on. Other times I forget to get my fingers out of the way when I close the knife; and other times I just forget that I have a knife in my hand.

 Fortunately my propensity for doing stupid things with a knife is off set by my ability to heal quickly.

I also do other stupid things, such as lock my keys in the car, leave my head lights on, (thank God for that little buzzer), leave the stove on, lean back on kitchen chairs, and run on wet tile floors. I have down loaded programs that aren’t compatible with my version of windows, left my cell phone in my shirt pocket, then bent over to flush the toilet, and lit my back yard gas grill with a match when the gas was on high.

 My miraculous healing abilities, high endurance of pain, hard head, quick growing eye brows, and AAA have helped me recover from some of these.

I have been known to run my mouth without engaging my brain, walk into objects that are in plain sight, light my nose on fire instead of my cigar (I have a big nose), walk into opposing stadiums wearing Raider’s clothes, throw my whites in with the colored laundry (I went through college wearing pink underwear), wear sneakers to a dance on a gym floor, and hammer my thumb instead of the nail.

We all do stupid things; after all we are only human. I think the only really stupid thing is to do them a second or third time. With the exception of wearing Raider’s gear to opposing stadiums, I do my best to learn from my mistakes. My guardian angel is busy enough with the mistakes I make the first time around.

Leave Al Davis Alone

I wrote this a couple of years ago in defense of my football idol, Al Davis of the Oakland Raiders.  Al passed away 10/8/11. I republish this in his honor.  Rip Al.


One thing that bothers me is how much flak Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, has been taking the last few years. While its true that the Raiders have been anything but committed to excellence the last seven or eight years, it certainly is not all of Al's fault. It is safe to say that Al HAS forgot more football than most of us will ever know. Even so he still knows more than any of us ever will about the game of football. This is the man that forced the NFL to merge with the AFL to make the league the way we all know it today. His thanks for these efforts have been to be picked on by referees, and commissioners, ever since Pete Rozelle failed to forgive, or make up with him.

Many people believe that Al no longer recognizes football talent, and that he should give the reins over to a General Manager. Al has always been a height/weight/speed guy, and sometimes it has cost the Raiders. The Hall of Fame is filled with people who were not the fastest, or the tallest, but had the largest heart, and loved to play the game of football. The size of a player's heart is one stat that Al has never looked at. This has led to some major disappointments like JaMarcus Russell, and Darren McFadden (so far). However, that being said, the Raiders are loaded with talented players, that have all been found by Al such as Chaz Shillens, Thomas Howard, Nnamdi Asomough, and many others. If the Raiders can find a winner at the QB position, the world will see just how talented the Raiders are because of Al.

Aye, there's the rub.