The Cone Of Death!

I really like living in South Florida. It has a lot to be said about it. I love it sunny and nice everyday. The summers, however can be a little hard to take, the sun is brutal, the humidity is stifling, and South Florida is a magnet for hurricanes.

Every year, you live knowing, another Andrew type hurricane could hit again…and boy do the local TV channels rake in big dough! There is nothing like scaring someone, to get them to pay attention, and here in Miami, we are nearing def com 4.

We now have hurricane Dorian churning about 2000 miles to the southeast of us. The possibility of a hurricane is imminent. Now is the time for “all hurricane, all the time, programming”!

Believe you me, we can’t get enough of it! We love “all hurricane, all the time”!

To people who have never paid much attention to hurricanes before, you don’t know what you’re missing. All the excitement down here revolves around the ever changing, very mysterious, projection track that the computers THINK the storm is going to follow. This track is known as ” the cone” because the farther you project away, the larger the scope of the cone.

I have affectionately tabbed this “The Cone of Death”.

Here in Miami we are soooo hooked on the cone of death. Everybody is constantly asking “are we in the cone?” Since nobody has any frigging idea where a hurricane is going to go, they keep changing the cone. One hour you’re in, the next hour out.

Now, its hard to really get into this game, if you live in say… Maine…. No! To really play and get into this game you have to come down here in South Florida and sit on the bull’s eye with us.

You’d be hooked on “all hurricane programming, all the time” too.

Celebrity Hurricane Death Pool

This post was originally published back in August of 2008 in an alternative universe. It is re-published for your enjoyment.

Here we go again. After narrowly skirting the last two hurricanes, we now have three more knocking on our door step. Hurricane Hannah, is expected to slide past us here in South Florida, causing nothing more than pleasurable breezes, and an occasional shower, then slam into Georgia, or the Carolinas. Meanwhile, just east of Hannah lurks Ike.

Right now Ike is a Catagory(cat.) 4 storm and Miami is right in the center of the cone of death. It's gonna get pretty exciting around here in a couple of days. We have not yet gone def-com 4 (all hurricane coverage, all the time), but we are getting plenty of updates. Come Monday we will move to def-com 4, then the fun begins.

Every local channel, and The Weather Channel (TWC) will have their stable of brave young souls, venture out in the middle of a HURRICANE, to give us up to date coverage of just how bad it is outside. Very good ....for ratings, not so good for the cameraman, and the broadcaster. To say that these folks are putting their life in danger, is to say that playing frisbee in rush hour traffic is dangerous.

About three weeks ago when Fay came up past us, one of the local channels had a camera crew in Key West, to ..ah, get good ratings. They had a young lady broadcaster about 24, that probably didn't weigh 110 lbs. Since the camera can't record well while facing the rain, the young lady had to face a hard rain in driving 55 mph winds, while still delivering her spiel! I applaud her moxie, but the whole time I was watching I was afraid that she was going to make like Mary Poppins and fly away! Not a big deal really, as long as she hangs on to the microphone; then they can just reel her in like a kite.

Well, with Hannah, and Ike we'll really get a chance to really see their moxie. I'm thinking of starting a celebrity hurricane death pool at work. Its easy, just get 5-10 people to bet $10 each. You make a board with your favorite hurricane hunters on it (one celebrity per contestant). You then draw lots, or cut cards to figure out who YOUR celebrity is. If that intrepid person gets swept away, and never seen again... you win! What fun! What a great way to win $100! I am personally hoping I can draft TWC head hurricane hunter Jim Cantore. He is one ballsy M.F. All the more likely he will win me the dough. Also, since Hannah is expected to hit a day or two before Ike, I KNOW Jim will be at both events, while the local heroes will only be attending Ike.


 Go Jim go! Go Jim Go!