My Life Would Have Been Better, If Only...

As you get older you realize that maybe, just maybe, you should have actually listened to some of the advice you received when you were younger.

I know I am not alone. We all thought we knew it all when we were seniors in high school, when we were seniors in college, when we turned thirty, when we turned forty…etc. It is human nature to think you know it all, and it is definitely a part of growing up. Oh, to think how much better my life would have been, If only….

If only I had listened to my dad. He once told me; “Son, I love you and want you to be happy. Don’t ever get married!” But I never listened to anything that guy told me, I knew it all! Not only did I not listen to him once, but I turned around and did it again! What a dope I am. There are two words that should never be used in the same sentence; happy, and married. These two words are like oil and water, they don’t mix.

If only I had listened to my Grandmother. She told me, “Learn to save your money instead of spending it. You’ll be glad you did one day.” My brother and I both had paper routes when we were growing up. My brother was a saver, and I was a spend thrift. Now, forty years later, after Bush, and Obama, I am nearly broke, and so is he…Never mind!

If only I had listened to Dr. Timothy Leary. “Tune in, turn on, drop out.” I was a child of the 60’s, but never embraced his wisdom. Instead I went to college, worked full time to pay for it, and still ended up with the same job I could have got if I quit school after high school. Think of all the wasted years of partying I missed out on. Well, except for the fact that I partied like John Belushi in Animal House for most of my college career. I had a well rounded college education, I worked, I partied, and I actually learned a few things. (But I don’t remember them).

If only I had listened to the nuns when I was a kid when they told me “You’ll be going to hell one day if you don’t straighten up!” If I had listened to them I would have become a priest, and I would never have got married and lived through hell.

Some day I might learn, but I doubt it. I am now an “old dog”, and you know what they say about old dogs learning new tricks.

Stupid Things

 Prologue:  I was reading The Crazy Brunette Chick's blog and it gave me the inspiration for this article.  If you are not familiar with C.B. as she is affectionately known; hit this link and get turned on.





I am dangerous with a knife in my hands. My fingers and other digits cringe in fear whenever I decide I need to cut or slice something. Sometimes, I forget which side of the blade I need to cut with, and which side I need to push down on. Other times I forget to get my fingers out of the way when I close the knife; and other times I just forget that I have a knife in my hand. Fortunately my propensity for doing stupid things with a knife is off set by my ability to heal quickly.



I also do other stupid things, such as lock my keys in the car, leave my head lights on, (thank God for that little buzzer), leave the stove on, lean back on kitchen chairs, and run on wet tile floors. I have down loaded programs that aren’t compatible with my version of windows, left my cell phone in my shirt pocket, then bent over to flush the toilet, and lit my back yard gas grill with a match when the gas was on high. My miraculous healing abilities, high endurance of pain, hard head, quick growing eye brows, and AAA have helped me recover from some of these.



I have been known to run my mouth without engaging my brain, walk into objects that are in plain sight, light my nose on fire instead of my cigar (I have a big nose), walk into opposing stadiums wearing Raider’s clothes, throw my whites in with the colored laundry (I went through college wearing pink underwear), wear sneakers to a dance on a gym floor, and hammer my thumb instead of the nail.



We all do stupid things; after all we are only human. I think the only really stupid thing is to do them a second or third time. With the exception of wearing Raider’s gear to opposing stadiums, I do my best to learn from my mistakes. My guardian angel is busy enough with the mistakes I make the first time around.

My Life Would Have Been Better...If Only

As you get older you realize that maybe, just maybe, you should have actually listened to some of the advice you received when you were younger.

I know I am not alone. We all thought we knew it all when we were seniors in high school, when we were seniors in college, when we turned thirty, when we turned forty...etc. It is human nature to think you know it all, and it is definitely a part of growing up. Oh, to think how much better my life would have been, If only....

If only I had listened to my dad. He once told me; "Son, I love you and want you to be happy. Don't ever get married!" But I never listened to anything that guy told me, I knew it all! Not only did I not listen to him once, but I turned around and did it again! What a dope I am. There are two words that should never be used in the same sentence; happy, and married. These two words are like oil and water, they don't mix.

If only I had listened to my Grandmother. She told me, "Learn to save your money instead of spending it. You'll be glad you did one day." My brother and I both had paper routes when we were growing up. My brother was a saver, and I was a spend thrift. Now, forty years later, after Bush, I am nearly broke, and so is he...Never mind!

If only I had listened to Dr. Timothy Leary. "Tune in, turn on, drop out." I was a child of the 60's, but never embraced his wisdom. Instead I went to college, worked full time to pay for it, and still ended up with the same job I could have got if I quit school after high school. Think of all the wasted years of partying I missed out on. Well, except for the fact that I partied like John Belushi in Animal House for most of my college career. I had a well rounded college education, I worked, I partied, and I actually learned a few things. (But I don't remember them).

If only I had listened to the nuns when I was a kid when they told me "You'll be going to hell one day if you don't straighten up!" If I had listened to them I would have become a priest, and I would never have got married and lived through hell.

Some day I might learn, but I doubt it. I am now an "old dog", and you know what they say about old dogs learning new tricks.

My Life Would Have Been Better, If Only....

As you get older you realize that maybe, just maybe, you should have actually listened to some of the advice you received when you were younger.

I know I am not alone. We all thought we knew it all when we were seniors in high school, when we were seniors in college, when we turned thirty, when we turned forty…etc. It is human nature to think you know it all, and it is definitely a part of growing up. Oh, to think how much better my life would have been, If only….

If only I had listened to my dad. He once told me; “Son, I love you and want you to be happy. Don’t ever get married!” But I never listened to anything that guy told me, I knew it all! Not only did I not listen to him once, but I turned around and did it again! What a dope I am. There are two words that should never be used in the same sentence; happy, and married. These two words are like oil and water, they don’t mix.

If only I had listened to my Grandmother. She told me, “Learn to save your money instead of spending it. You’ll be glad you did one day.” My brother and I both had paper routes when we were growing up. My brother was a saver, and I was a spend thrift. Now, forty years later, after Bush, I am nearly broke, and so is he…Never mind!

If only I had listened to Dr. Timothy Leary. “Tune in, turn on, drop out.” I was a child of the 60’s, but never embraced his wisdom. Instead I went to college, worked full time to pay for it, and still ended up with the same job I could have got if I quit school after high school. Think of all the wasted years of partying I missed out on. Well, except for the fact that I partied like John Belushi in Animal House for most of my college career. I had a well rounded college education, I worked, I partied, and I actually learned a few things. (But I don’t remember them).

If only I had listened to the nuns when I was a kid when they told me “You’ll be going to hell one day if you don’t straighten up!” If I had listened to them I would have become a priest, and I would never have got married and lived through hell.

Some day I might learn, but I doubt it. I am now an “old dog”, and you know what they say about old dogs learning new tricks.