Saturday, March 18, 2017

I'm Not Handy (Home Owners Plight)

I own a house. And like most houses, it occasionally needs routine maintenance. Well routine for most people. However, there is nothing routine about maintenance, when I am involved. Most people think that I am a pretty intelligent person (people who don't know me well anyway), but I just can't seem to get the knack of home repair. No matter how easy the job might appear, I end up making it look like I'm trying to tackle the "Manhattan Project".
So, for me, and all other inept people like me, I've written a song. It is sung to the tune of "I Want Candy" by the Strangeloves.

"I own a house, and things look bleak.
The paint is peeling, and the roof does leak.
Can't change a bulb, without falling off the ladder,
My wife she holds it, but that don't matter.

I'm not handy! I'm not handy!

Got a clogged sink, and the frig. don't work.
I should fix 'em, but I'm a jerk.
I don't know pliers from a wrench,
can't even find my work bench.

I'm not handy! I'm not handy!

Got a bad water heater, and a gutter that dangles,
There's nothing 'round here that I can't mangle.
Got a broken window and a ripped screen
if it gets any worse, I'm gonna scream

I'm not handy! I'm not handy!


If, a wire gets a short,
I'll touch the wrong one get a jolt.
Got hospital bills by the pile,
I keep 9-1-1 on speed dial.

I'm not handy! I'm not handy!"
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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.