Saturday, December 6, 2014

The Magic 8 Ball

I have a special post for you today. Thanks to my pig Wilbur having a temper tantrum today, knocking over a small bureau on my patio, I have been reconnected with my magic 8 ball. You know what I mean don’t you? Yeah, the 8 ball we all played with when we were kids. I love the magic 8 ball; it always has an answer for any question you might ask it.

Knowing that many of you have some burning questions for the magic 8 ball, I thought I would use my superior interrogating skills to get some answers for these popular questions from my magic 8 ball.

1) Oh, magic 8 ball, was ex President Bush a moron, or just a very bad President? “Most Certainly”
2) Magic 8 ball, Are the N.Y. Mets the biggest choke artists in the world, or just classic under achievers? “All signs point to yes”
3) Magic 8 ball, is Kim Jong Un of North Korea a mad man, or a puppet of China? “The way I see it yes”
4) Please tell me magic 8 ball, now that G.M. has received billions of dollars of bail out money, will they pick up shop and take it all to China, and take all of our money with them? “ Very likely”
5) Magic 8 ball, speaking of the people’s bail out of the lending institutions; did the people get a raw deal at the hands of their elected officials? “Bend over” (I didn’t even know that response was in there!)
6) Magic 8 ball, is President Obama a free thinker, or just a shill for big money, big business? “You don't want to know”
7) Magic 8 ball, judging from the most popular TV shows, are most Americans really stupid, or is the government putting too much fluoride into the drinking water? "It is certain"”
8) Oh, magic 8 ball, will the large oil companies ever allow the car manufacturers, to make and sell a gasoline-free car? “Out look not good”
9) Magic 8 ball, will South Florida be hit by a hurricane that will make Andrew look like a summer breeze? “Better not tell you”
10)Magic 8 ball, how did you feel after my pig Wilbur knocked you and your bureau over today? “ Answer hazy”
There you go folks, all of your important questions answered, by my impeccable interview with my magic 8 ball.
By the way, my 8 ball and I are available for private sessions, at a reasonable price.

I am re-posting my book Wilbur and Us on my web site. True stories of my life with a pig. Check it out.
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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.