Saturday, January 4, 2014

Hot Flashes, Cold Nights

Back in the fall of of 1973 I was a young freshman at the University of Miami. I was given a room at the older dorm, Mahoney Hall. There was no air conditioning in our room, so the September nights were often pillow soaked experiences.

Late in that month, they installed a room air conditioner. My roommate Andy and I thought this would be our salvation. We were wrong. It led to us not rooming together the next year. Why? The reason was I like it cool, and he liked it COLD.

I had a job at the campus bakery that started at 05:00, so I normally would be in bed by 9:30 or 10:00. He had a rich dad, so he came to bed whenever he felt like it. The problem was I would set the air conditioner on low when I went to bed, and Andy would come in later and set it on high. At 4:15 in the morning, I would wake up to a frosty greeting.

Now I grew up in upstate NY, and the reason I went to UM was to avoid frosty mornings. So the fact that I found myself freezing, dancing around on the cold tile floor, trying to dodge snow flakes, quickly lost its appeal to me.

So long Andy.

Turn the clock ahead 30 years. Here I am once again living in Miami, (because I got real sick of being cold). Everything was going great, until my wife started going through menopause. She started experiencing "hot flashes". I really don't understand why they call them "flashes" because she is always having one! They really aren't "hot moments" either. Let just call them "hot, four years and running, never ending periods" of her life.

So here I am, with a room air conditioner in my bedroom, cranked to high, every night. I still have to work at 05:00, But since the commute is 26 miles, I now get to dance around on cold tiles, and avoid snow flakes at 3:15.

Even worse is when I come out of my hot shower, when I have to hop around like a Mexican jumping bean, to try to keep warm as I get dressed. What a funny "America's Funniest Home Videos" segment that would make! (Except that I'm naked)

I'm thinking Andy wasn't so bad after all, at least he never nagged me.
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This site is more a column than a blog. I write humorous, spiritual, and political articles. Everything I write is designed to make you think; what you think is up to you.