This year like many people I went back to my hometown for the holidays to visit relatives and old friends. Upon my return I opened my bag to begin unpacking and found a note left by the T.S.A. saying they opened my bag and riffled through my things because their x-ray scanner showed that I had some suspicious items in there. The only thing I had in my bag coming home that I didn’t have going there was fifteen pounds of hot dogs.
There are probably many readers that are asking two questions: 1) What could the T.S.A. possibly find suspicious about hot dogs? And 2) Why would this dummy have fifteen pounds of hot dogs in his bag? These are both very good questions, and I will try to answer them for you. First of all as someone who works for a major airline and has been putting up with the T.S.A. since 9/11, I am not surprised by anything that they do. I can only speculate that when the hot dogs showed up on their scanner they must have thought that I was attempting to transport several cases of large caliber ammunition in my bag. I am not very knowledgeable about guns, but I am not aware of many guns that would fire a six inch long by one inch wide round; perhaps a fifty caliber machine gun, but neither I, or any one I know owns one of them. Maybe they thought they were loaded small sticks of dynamite. Like I said, I can only speculate on that one.
As to the question of why I would carry fifteen pounds of frozen hot dogs home in my bag; let me start by saying my hometown is Rochester, NY. Most people are not aware of this but Rochester is the only place in the world where you can buy white hot dogs. My family is partial to the Zweigles’ brand in the natural casing called “pop open” because the skin pops open when you grill them. Most folks who have never heard of, or eaten white hot dogs are repulsed by the thought. Trying to explain a white hot dog to someone not familiar with them (which is anyone not from Rochester) is difficult to do. They are not a sausage, or a bratwurst, but a hot dog that is spiced differently than your normal red hotdog, and put in a white casing so you can tell the difference. When I was a kid I did not care for them, but as I got older and my tastes changed, I grew to love them. My family and I are not the only ones who love them, but so does any one here in Miami that has been daring enough to try one. Whenever I go home to Rochester I am besieged with requests to bring a pound of hot dogs back for them. I have become a hot dog smuggler.
I love to have my hot dogs loaded with mustard, onions, and Rochester style hamburger based hot sauce. I would love to have you try one, but I simply don’t have enough room in my bag.r